We layin’ down the law up in this hee haw, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
How did that happen?
Hillary Clinton unveiled her health care plan and OJ Simpson is facing trial. That means its 1994 again, time to get in my Chevy Astro Van and drive to warn John Wayne Bobbitt that his wife Lorena is going to chip off his penis. And then I’ll watch “Forrest Gump.”
Oh, goody
The Phil Spector jury is dead-locked and OJ Simpson is out on bail; with any luck OJ and Phil may yet make their appointment to go speed-dating with Robert Blake
A lot more
In sad news, last week, Alex the Parrot passed away at age 31. Alex could not only say over 100 words, but he proved he understood what he said. Which is a lot more than you can say about Miss Teen South Carolina.
Coincidence?
After being arrested for robbing sports memorabilia at gunpoint in Las Vegas, OJ Simpson is out on $125,000 bail; in a related story, OJ Simpson has posted a rusty, dirty knife for sale for on E-bay for $125,000.
OJ Redux
After being arrested and jailed for robbing sports memorabilia at gunpoint in Las Vegas, OJ Simpson is out on bail; this trial will not be easy for OJ’s lawyer. You try and find something that rhymes with memorabilia besides hemophilia.
“Give us back OJ’s memorabilia, or you will bleed like you got hemophilia.”
After being arrested and jailed for robbing sports memorabilia at gunpoint in Las Vegas, OJ Simpson is out on bail; we can only assume his lawyer is preparing for a trial: “If they were his cleats, these charges we’ll beat.”
“If the jersey was thirty two, out the jail he must pass through.”
Or somebody like that
New York Knicks coach and President, Isiah Thomas, is on trial for sexual harassment including accusations of calling an assistant a bitch and a ‘ho. Who the hell does this Thomas guy think he is, Don Imus?
How come Al Sharpton hasn’t demanded that Thomas be fired?
That’s a good look
Time magazine’s cover story is about the presidential candidate’s spouses. Did you know 61-year-old Dennis Kucinich’s 29-year-old wife, Elizabeth, has a tongue stud? If he wins we’ll have to install a stripper pole in the White House.
Sounds familiar
The Phil Spector trial is dead locked. Kind of like that woman he dated.
The Phil Spector trial is dead locked. Which, after OJ and Robert Blake, raises the philosophical question: if a celebrity kills someone in a forest, can an L.A. jury hear the body drop?
Hand written
New "Time" columnist Steve Rushin wrote a piece about a letter he received from President Bush thanking him for his past work at “Sports Illustrated.” The letter was hand-written, funny, thoughtful, perfectly spelled and grammatically correct. In short, Laura must have written it.
New "Time" columnist Steve Rushin wrote a piece about a letter he received from President Bush thanking him for his work at “Sports Illustrated.” The good news is the letter was funny, and well-written. The other good news is that now Bush knows how we feel when somebody goes through our damn mail.
What didn't make it?
CBS debuts “Kid Nation” tonight where unsupervised children use dangerous power tools and flammable appliances to risk serious injury for a reality TV show. Here is my question: what pitches did they turn down as too risky?
Narrator: “What happens when a bunch of children pour honey on themselves and run into a bear-infested forest? Watch “The Honeyhead Kids” and find out.”
Since you asked:
So there I was, locked out of the house without a key – no lie, I can go to my car, remember I forgot something, walk back and Virg will have locked me out of the house – so I enter the gate at the side of the garage/house. I was surprised to see the beasts, Kasey and Wrigley, were not at their usual posts by the gate where they can monitor the goings on in the street through the crack in the fence.
So I snuck in and decided I wanted to test just how good of watchdogs these two are.
When they know we can see them, Kasey and Wrigley make a grand show of being very brave and barking at somebody coming to the house in a manner so fierce it has scared many delivery and yard care guys nearly to death.
So, before they can see me, I start disguising my voice and making scary-sounding grumbling noises. No dogs. More grumbling and growling only a lot louder. Not a peep.
So I poke my head around the corner into the yard to see what they were doing. There in the farthest corner of the fence from where I was, were two Labradors huddled right next together trembling in total abject fear. If they could have wrapped their arms around each other, they would have.
When Wrigley saw that it was me, a look of pure relief came across his face as they came running up to greet me in their most eager “Oh, thank god its you, I was scared to death” way you have ever seen.
And then to show that they were still tough, they started barking at the guys working in the neighbors front yard.
Yep, those are my doggies.
How did that happen?
Hillary Clinton unveiled her health care plan and OJ Simpson is facing trial. That means its 1994 again, time to get in my Chevy Astro Van and drive to warn John Wayne Bobbitt that his wife Lorena is going to chip off his penis. And then I’ll watch “Forrest Gump.”
Oh, goody
The Phil Spector jury is dead-locked and OJ Simpson is out on bail; with any luck OJ and Phil may yet make their appointment to go speed-dating with Robert Blake
A lot more
In sad news, last week, Alex the Parrot passed away at age 31. Alex could not only say over 100 words, but he proved he understood what he said. Which is a lot more than you can say about Miss Teen South Carolina.
Coincidence?
After being arrested for robbing sports memorabilia at gunpoint in Las Vegas, OJ Simpson is out on $125,000 bail; in a related story, OJ Simpson has posted a rusty, dirty knife for sale for on E-bay for $125,000.
OJ Redux
After being arrested and jailed for robbing sports memorabilia at gunpoint in Las Vegas, OJ Simpson is out on bail; this trial will not be easy for OJ’s lawyer. You try and find something that rhymes with memorabilia besides hemophilia.
“Give us back OJ’s memorabilia, or you will bleed like you got hemophilia.”
After being arrested and jailed for robbing sports memorabilia at gunpoint in Las Vegas, OJ Simpson is out on bail; we can only assume his lawyer is preparing for a trial: “If they were his cleats, these charges we’ll beat.”
“If the jersey was thirty two, out the jail he must pass through.”
Or somebody like that
New York Knicks coach and President, Isiah Thomas, is on trial for sexual harassment including accusations of calling an assistant a bitch and a ‘ho. Who the hell does this Thomas guy think he is, Don Imus?
How come Al Sharpton hasn’t demanded that Thomas be fired?
That’s a good look
Time magazine’s cover story is about the presidential candidate’s spouses. Did you know 61-year-old Dennis Kucinich’s 29-year-old wife, Elizabeth, has a tongue stud? If he wins we’ll have to install a stripper pole in the White House.
Sounds familiar
The Phil Spector trial is dead locked. Kind of like that woman he dated.
The Phil Spector trial is dead locked. Which, after OJ and Robert Blake, raises the philosophical question: if a celebrity kills someone in a forest, can an L.A. jury hear the body drop?
Hand written
New "Time" columnist Steve Rushin wrote a piece about a letter he received from President Bush thanking him for his past work at “Sports Illustrated.” The letter was hand-written, funny, thoughtful, perfectly spelled and grammatically correct. In short, Laura must have written it.
New "Time" columnist Steve Rushin wrote a piece about a letter he received from President Bush thanking him for his work at “Sports Illustrated.” The good news is the letter was funny, and well-written. The other good news is that now Bush knows how we feel when somebody goes through our damn mail.
What didn't make it?
CBS debuts “Kid Nation” tonight where unsupervised children use dangerous power tools and flammable appliances to risk serious injury for a reality TV show. Here is my question: what pitches did they turn down as too risky?
Narrator: “What happens when a bunch of children pour honey on themselves and run into a bear-infested forest? Watch “The Honeyhead Kids” and find out.”
Since you asked:
So there I was, locked out of the house without a key – no lie, I can go to my car, remember I forgot something, walk back and Virg will have locked me out of the house – so I enter the gate at the side of the garage/house. I was surprised to see the beasts, Kasey and Wrigley, were not at their usual posts by the gate where they can monitor the goings on in the street through the crack in the fence.
So I snuck in and decided I wanted to test just how good of watchdogs these two are.
When they know we can see them, Kasey and Wrigley make a grand show of being very brave and barking at somebody coming to the house in a manner so fierce it has scared many delivery and yard care guys nearly to death.
So, before they can see me, I start disguising my voice and making scary-sounding grumbling noises. No dogs. More grumbling and growling only a lot louder. Not a peep.
So I poke my head around the corner into the yard to see what they were doing. There in the farthest corner of the fence from where I was, were two Labradors huddled right next together trembling in total abject fear. If they could have wrapped their arms around each other, they would have.
When Wrigley saw that it was me, a look of pure relief came across his face as they came running up to greet me in their most eager “Oh, thank god its you, I was scared to death” way you have ever seen.
And then to show that they were still tough, they started barking at the guys working in the neighbors front yard.
Yep, those are my doggies.
posted by Alex at
1:22 PM
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