Saturday, September 22, 2007

We callin’ it down right to the ground, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Eww
A Croatian motorcyclist stopped to relieve himself and his penis was struck by lightening. And you don’t even want to know what part of his body the thunder came out of.

Old randy dudes
A Stanford study claims men over the age of 60 who have sex with younger women live longer; but the women they have sex with older men don’t live longer, their life just seems a lot longer.

A Stanford study claims that men over the age of 60 who have sex with younger women live longer; old dudes are going to run with this: “Hey, young Missy, you don’t want me to die do you?”

Almost made it
Floyd Landis has been found guilty of doping and must forfeit his Tour De France title; gosh, I hope this isolated incident doesn’t hurt the credibility and wild popularity of the Tour De France with Ameri . . . ha ha ha ha, oh, shoot, I thought I could make it through without cracking up.

Mahmoud I’m-a-nut-job
Iran’s squirrelly president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has been barred from visiting ground zero after he requested a photo opportunity to place a wreath; Mahmoud has been granted permission, however, to place flowers at the Tomb of The Insane Dictators.

Another genius named Simpson
Jessica Simpson wants to cross over from pop to country music. This won’t be an easy transition for Jessica. She just learned how to spell Pop.


Jessica Simpson wants to cross over from pop to country music. And Britney Spears has already crossed over from Pop to slapstick comedy.

Not even close
An MIT student, Star Simpson, walked into Logan Airport with a fake bomb strapped to her chest. As incredibly stupid as this is, this is only the second stupidest thing done this week by a person named Simpson.

Not mother of the year
Britney Spears was ordered to clean up her act and be a better parent. But I don’t think Britney gets it. Britney’s idea of better parenting is to put chopped fruit in her kid’s Jello shots.