Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Flinging it, winging it and singing it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

How hot is it?
Man it has been hot. Today I was sweating like the surgeon trying to find Dick Cheney’s heart.

It was announced Dick Cheney underwent minor heart surgery to replace a defibrillator; only Cheney could have heart surgery and have it qualify as minor surgery.

What's in a name?
The Jim Carey movie “23” is on DVD. It’s named “23” Because that’s how many people saw it in the theater.

The New England Journal of Medicine claims obesity can be contagious. If you hang out with obese people you’re more likely to get really fat. “Don’t shake my hand, Dude, I think I’m coming down with a bad case of lard ass.”

The New England Journal of Medicine claims obesity can be contagious. Especially if you are hanging out with fat people at Dennys at four am.

Yeah, me neither
Hey, get this: an American, Levi Leipheimer, won stage 19 of the Tour De France. Yeah, I don’t really care either . . .

One of the co-defendants in the Michael Vick dog fighting case has copped a plea to testify; in dog terms that means he is going to roll over and Vick will play dead.

Not a good sign
Two weeks after getting out of the Malibu Promises rehab facility, Lindsay Lohan got her second DUI. Britney Spears is still drinking after going to Promises. I’m not sure the Malibu Promises is such a good rehab center. You have to worry about a rehab center that has a Tiki bar, Happy Hour and a Margarita Machine.

NFL camps
Can you believe NFL training camps are set to open? All camps are different. The San Diego Chargers have to get used to a new coach, Norv Turner. The Chicago Bears are working on an offense that will help their struggling quarterback, Rex Grossman. And the Atlanta Falcons owner, Arthur Blank, is making their coaching staff write one thousand times “I will not invest the franchise on a morally repugnant evil and sadistic dog fighter” on a classroom board.

Rhymes with sick
The Atlanta Falcons think they may have found a clause that will allow them to not pay Michael Vick while he is on trial to possibly go to prison for dog fighting. Gosh, that couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

Michael Vick has been suspended following his dog fighting indictment. Who would ever imagine that trying to board a plane with pot hidden in a water bottle and getting sued for giving a woman herpes wouldn’t be close to the stupidest things Vick did?