Wednesday, May 02, 2007

That is just fly money dawg props check it dope-ass keeping it real, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

It just goes to show yah
The highest paid team, the New York Yankees, are in last place. It just goes to show you can’t tie lots of money with good performances. Just ask all three of Donald Trump’s ex-wives.

Former Deputy Sec. Randall Tobias – the man who was in charge of promoting abstinence in the Bush administration – admitted hiring women from an escort service, but he claims he only got a massage. When she heard this, Hillary Clinton was so incensed she dropped her facial toner.

Uh, yeah, right
Officials at a prison in Sussex, England say they have caught prisoners with Viagra. The prisoners claim they were simply trying a new and unique way to try and pick the locks.

Seems about right
A sex study says the average 20-year-old male gets aroused in ten seconds. Coincidentally, ten seconds is how long it takes to Google and log on to Carmen Electra dot com.

Habadababa, that’s all, folks
Bugs Bunny turns 72 this week. Bugs is getting up there. Bugs Bunny last cartoon episode featured Bugs getting a colonoscopy. It’s called; “What’s up there, Doc?”

Just not fair
“Rolling Stone” magazine published the top 40 songs that changed the world. Personally I think it is just shameful how they snubbed Sanjaya’s version of; “You Really Got Me.”

You could see this coming
Zoo officials in China are showing Panda Porn to get their Pandas to mate. It hasn’t worked, the female Panda isn’t pregnant and the male Panda maxed-out his credit card on

Don’t confuse the two
Ellen DeGeneres threw her back out and will host her talk show from a bed. Now don’t confuse Ellen throwing her back out with “The View”’s talk show host, Rosie O’Donnell, Barbara Walters threw Rosie’s ass out.

Clear the air
The American Lung Association has named Los Angeles the smoggiest city in the U.S. It’s not the car emissions that cause the problem, it’s all the gun smoke from the freeway shootings.

A new take on an old classic
A popular trend with Muslim women in France is to have their hymen surgically re-sewn so they will appear to be virgins when they get married as Islamic law insists. This deceptive procedure’s medical term is called: a not-had-a-dick-to-me.

Let’s be fair about this
Paris Hilton attended a Los Angeles Dodger game and was loudly booed when they flashed her picture on the scoreboard. To be fair to Paris, 23,000 of the people who booed were disgruntled ex-boyfriends.

An Army of None
Iraqi officials announce that a top Iraqi al Qaeda leader, Abu Ayyub al-Masri, was killed. Recruiting at al Qaeda has to be a problem. “Congratulations, you’ve been promoted from mailroom to head of al Qaeda.” “Nahh, I’m good, thanks. ”