Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Kasey's Mormon Miracle

(I've told this before, but it merits re-telling)

Our adorable and sweet yellow Labrador, Kasey, was in pain. This is a dog who is so tough she has only yelped once when a Rottweiler bit through her ear and she still wanted to continue to play fetch, so I knew her pain was serious. She yelped anytime you touched her.

After a mad dash to the vet and X-rays, it turns out Kasey ate something that was upsetting her but it wasn’t blocked and the vet assured me it would pass. We gave Kasey some tummy medicine and sure enough, she seemed fine.

Cut to: A beautiful crisp Fall Sunday afternoon two days later. We, my wife Virginia and I, put our then toddler, Ann Caroline, in her stroller and took Kasey along for an All American Norman Rockwellian walk to get bagels.

Smack dab in front of the Mormon Church, no less, Kasey has to do number two. No problem, I have many plastic grocery bags stuffed in the pocket of my coat so I go dig one out.

Suddenly the air is filled with the lovely sound of my wife’s laughter. What’s up? I ask. She is laughing so hard she can’t speak so she points to Kasey. There is Kasey’s last, uh, deposit magically swinging to and fro seemingly suspended in mid air right under her tail. Closer inspection reveals it is actually dangling from a string.

“What the hell do I do?” I ask flummoxed. My wife stops laughing enough to say “Pull it out.”

Easy for her to say.

So, I put two plastic bags on my hands like gloves and attempt to retrieve the string from Kasey’s furry pail. (Furry Pail is my new band)

One foot pulls out which soon begets two feet, now my wife, Virg, is literally on the ground laughing. Three feet, four, five, six. seven, Slat and Nugs, it was like clowns coming out of a damn tiny circus car . Our dog, Kasey, was unraveling.

No lie, I ended up pulling twenty stinking feet of string out of my dog Kasey’s butt. We later found an empty chewed-up plastic container under the bed. Kasey ate an entire package of yummy mint flavored dental floss.

Christians may have the miracle of the fish and loaves but Mormons now have the Miracle of Kasey’s Minty Butt Floss.