It is hard out here

Put the lime in the coconut and drink ‘em bot’ up, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
(You know you liked that song)

You know, that thing
Nearly a year afterwards, Tour De France winner Floyd Landis is still fighting to clear his name of doping charges. Or as Americans now call the post-Lance Armstrong era of the Tour De France, “That Thing We Care Even Less About Than Soccer.”

Serious charges
Radio personality Don Imus has been suspended for calling the Rutgers women’s basketball team nappy-headed hos. This is serious. Imus could be charged with impersonating a rap singer.

Don Imus made a racial slur on his radio show and then apologized for it. In addition, Imus also apologized for looking like the “Wizard of Oz” crabby apple tree.

Not one
Apple has sold over 100 million iPods and over 2.5 billion songs from iTunes. The most amazing thing about that? Not one single one of those 2.5 billion songs was one of Kevin Federline’s.

Yoga for Fido
The latest workout trend in L.A. is going to yoga with your dog. There was one problem in the Beverly Hills dog yoga class. One of the dogs was offended by the yoga move titled downward dog. He preferred the term downward canine American.

Really ugly
Did you see that screaming match between Geraldo Rivera and Bill O’Reilly? It was ugly. Even Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump told them to relax.

No thanks
The creator of the “Girls Gone Wild” videos, Joe Francis, surrendered to Federal Marshals on charges he used underage models in his videos and he faces serious prison time. Look for his next video; “Cellmates Gone Wild.”

Eww
Childhood obesity is growing wildly. At this rate Michael Jackson will have a bad back and a hernia.

Good idea
The NFL has suspended Adam “Pacman” Jones next season for his ten run-ins with the law in two years. And what better way to treat a troublemaker than give him the entire year off?

This is all part of the NFL’s new “Ten strikes and you are suspended” policy.

Since you asked:
There is no doubt I am more than a little goofy about my yellow Labrador dogs, Kasey and Wrigley, but there are times when I am amazed at how different we are. Take, for example, their almost total indifference to our relatively new and amazing 50 inch Hi Def Panasonic plasma screen.  

To be fair, I have spotted Wrigley looking at it from time to time, but it is merely in a why-is-he-so-focused-at-that-thing--and-not-playing-with-me? way. Kasey hasn’t even glanced at it.

How could they not appreciate the azaleas and the dogwoods in bloom at Amen corner during the Masters? It was beautiful. Sniff. Simply beautiful. Sob.

It is then I have to remind myself that neither dog is much interested in anything outside of being fed, walked and played with. In fact, Wrigley’s general philosophy is even more dog-radical. He only really cares about things he can chew up, pee on, poop on or puke on.

One time, when I was busy cleaning up another of Wrigley’s messes, he chewed up, then puked on and peed and pooped on an entire oriental area rug.

Wrigley was on his A-game that day.

Speaking of dogs:

Big dogged it up a bit at the Padres game last night in the corporate box. I accomplished all three of my goals: I ate lots of free food, I drank lots of free booze, and I booed Barry Bonds.

Go Cubs.