It is hard out here

Oh yes we di’ . . .id, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

That time of year
Yesterday was the start of the baseball season. In Washington, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales threw out the first denial.

It adds up fast
Hillary Clinton claims she has raised over $4 mil dollars for her campaign on the Internet. And that is just the money from closing all of Bill Clinton’s pre-paid porno sites.  

Ahead of their peers
In South Carolina, a 24-year-old teacher is accused of having sex with her middle school students. Middle school, not high school. Apparently these really young boys brought new meaning to the term gifted students.

What is going on? When I was in school my teachers wouldn’t let me slam my books down.

Diddy the night away
P. Diddy claims he and his girlfriend had tantric sex for 30 hours straight. Oh my goodness, do realize what this means? P. Diddy can’t tell time.

Afterwards he was so tired he changed his name was P. Squatting.

Not good
The bad news is that the Pope announced there really is a hell. This is the worst news for entertainment attorneys since massages stopped being tax deductible.

Late breaking
Gunshots were fired inside the CNN headquarters in Atlanta. The most amazing part of this is that the story broke on TMZ.com and Smoking Gun.

The shot not heard ‘round the world
The reverend Al Sharpton Jr. announced he will not run for President. The disappointment generated from Al Sharpton not running for president could be felt nowhere in the world.

What a relief
Keith Richards now says he was just fooling when he said he snorted his Dad’s ashes with cocaine. Actually it was his Uncle’s ashes and he snorted it with Crystal Meth. Whew.  

Since you asked:
I love the Bud Light commercial where the guy is so stupid he picks up axe and chainsaw murdering hitchhikers for their beer. Can you imagine a commercial like that about women?

“Susie, don’t go in that shoe store, that salesman is OJ. Simpson.”

“Yeah, but there’s a sale.”

Publicity whore attorney Gloria Allred would break her hip she would sue so fast.