It is hard out here
We got the merry Chrisizzy up in this humpty bumpy, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Oh, snap
Legal experts in Iraq had predicted that, if everything had gone well at Saddam Hussein’s trial, he would be hung by now; this also marks the first time that the words Saddam Hussein and well hung have ever appeared together.
P.Diddy Snooped a Dog
P. Diddy’s line of Sean John brand jackets were removed by Macys because they were made with dog fur. Gosh, how did they find out? You don’t suppose it was when somebody wore the jacket in the rain and stunk like a wet dog, do you?
This explains the jacket’s care label. “When jacket becomes wet, stand next to the closest human available, shake vigorously until all the water is on said human.”
They suspected there was a problem when customers complained that the jackets shed.
Legal bagles
You know Borat, right? It turns out, because the Borat movie made a lot of money and the people in it look really stupid, the comedian who plays Borat, Sacha Baron Cohen, is being sued by almost everyone in the movie. And now Mel Gibson is suing Cohen. For starting the Iraq war.
Since you asked:
Can I tell you what sucks? When I was 14, 15, 16 and 17 I played high school football. (That did not suck, it was awesome until my senior year, but I won’t go in to that)
My position was a running back. Between blocking and carrying the ball, I got hit hard by at least one football player, sometimes as many as four, at least fifty times a game. That means getting tackled, blocked, or tackling, blocking them, and generally getting whacked and knocked to the ground fifty times in a couple of hours. How many times did I get hurt during those football games? None. Zero. How many plays did I miss due to even being slightly injured, like the wind knocked out of me? None. Zero. So 12 games times four years times 50 tackles equals about 2400 tackles. Double that at least for practice and that makes 5,000 tackles.
My freshman year in high school I broke a rib in practice late-summer two-a-days falling on a face mask, but I didn’t know it and played that whole year. It wasn’t until it calcified into a big lump by November that I knew it had been broken. The next year I scored 20 touchdowns for the sophomore team and I didn’t miss a play. My junior year, I slightly cracked a bone in my right foot by my big toe but played all year with that. Along the way I broke a nose, three fingers, one more rib, but not during games. Sure, my senior year I tore a hamstring that would end up messing me up for life, but that wasn’t during a game, that was in the pre-season.
Now I am in my well into my forties and, obviously, I no longer play football. All I am trying to do is stay in shape. This time of year it is tough to say in shape with all the parties, but I am hanging in there.
All I do is 20 to 40 minutes of cardiovascular exercise, either on a bike, an elliptical machine or a run, and then some weights but mostly plyometric-oriented calisthenics, like push ups, crunches, leg lifts, big bal crunches, leg lunges, about three our four times a week. Five if I am being good.
Right now I have three cases of serious tendonitis. One in my left knee, one under my left foot and a bad one on my left wrist. Got that? By merely trying to stay in shape, I have sustained three injuries. Football games and practices after 5,000 tackles? Nothing. Mild working out in my forties? Three.
That sucks.
Oh, snap
Legal experts in Iraq had predicted that, if everything had gone well at Saddam Hussein’s trial, he would be hung by now; this also marks the first time that the words Saddam Hussein and well hung have ever appeared together.
P.Diddy Snooped a Dog
P. Diddy’s line of Sean John brand jackets were removed by Macys because they were made with dog fur. Gosh, how did they find out? You don’t suppose it was when somebody wore the jacket in the rain and stunk like a wet dog, do you?
This explains the jacket’s care label. “When jacket becomes wet, stand next to the closest human available, shake vigorously until all the water is on said human.”
They suspected there was a problem when customers complained that the jackets shed.
Legal bagles
You know Borat, right? It turns out, because the Borat movie made a lot of money and the people in it look really stupid, the comedian who plays Borat, Sacha Baron Cohen, is being sued by almost everyone in the movie. And now Mel Gibson is suing Cohen. For starting the Iraq war.
Since you asked:
Can I tell you what sucks? When I was 14, 15, 16 and 17 I played high school football. (That did not suck, it was awesome until my senior year, but I won’t go in to that)
My position was a running back. Between blocking and carrying the ball, I got hit hard by at least one football player, sometimes as many as four, at least fifty times a game. That means getting tackled, blocked, or tackling, blocking them, and generally getting whacked and knocked to the ground fifty times in a couple of hours. How many times did I get hurt during those football games? None. Zero. How many plays did I miss due to even being slightly injured, like the wind knocked out of me? None. Zero. So 12 games times four years times 50 tackles equals about 2400 tackles. Double that at least for practice and that makes 5,000 tackles.
My freshman year in high school I broke a rib in practice late-summer two-a-days falling on a face mask, but I didn’t know it and played that whole year. It wasn’t until it calcified into a big lump by November that I knew it had been broken. The next year I scored 20 touchdowns for the sophomore team and I didn’t miss a play. My junior year, I slightly cracked a bone in my right foot by my big toe but played all year with that. Along the way I broke a nose, three fingers, one more rib, but not during games. Sure, my senior year I tore a hamstring that would end up messing me up for life, but that wasn’t during a game, that was in the pre-season.
Now I am in my well into my forties and, obviously, I no longer play football. All I am trying to do is stay in shape. This time of year it is tough to say in shape with all the parties, but I am hanging in there.
All I do is 20 to 40 minutes of cardiovascular exercise, either on a bike, an elliptical machine or a run, and then some weights but mostly plyometric-oriented calisthenics, like push ups, crunches, leg lifts, big bal crunches, leg lunges, about three our four times a week. Five if I am being good.
Right now I have three cases of serious tendonitis. One in my left knee, one under my left foot and a bad one on my left wrist. Got that? By merely trying to stay in shape, I have sustained three injuries. Football games and practices after 5,000 tackles? Nothing. Mild working out in my forties? Three.
That sucks.
posted by Alex at
11:17 AM
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