Wednesday, December 13, 2006

It is hard out here

Talk to the man holdin’ up the hand, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Boom goes the V.P.
Dick Cheney’s lesbian daughter, Mary, is pregnant; in a related story, Dick Cheney shot David Crosby in the face.

Dork confusion
Today there was a huge line of nerds outside of NASA; until NASA explained to them that they were planning to build a space station on the moon, not a Play Station.

I’m fine now, but I wasn’t feeling too good on Saturday; in retrospect maybe it wasn’t a good idea to eat that Taco Bell Bird Flu Burrito.

So that’s convenient
NASA is going to put a space station on the moon. And it is going to be in walking distance to the Rite Aid.

An American Airlines flight to Nashville was forced to land after a passenger lit matches to mask her severe flatulence.

“Ladies in gentlemen, in preparation for landing we ask you that you raise your trey tables to their full upright and locked position, and, whatever you do, do not pull that stinky lady’s finger.”

He shoots, he scores
San Diego Chargers LaDainian Tomlinson set an NFL record for rushing for 28 touchdowns; in fact, L.T. scores more than a Greek shipping heir on “Free Jello Shots for Paris Hilton” night.

Fuel for thought
Scientists are able to convert fat from lipo suction procedures into bio-diesel fuel; in a related story, we now have enough fuel to fly to Saturn on the space ship Star Jones.

The name game
Now that his potential presidential candidacy is gaining steam, people are interested in the origin of Illinois Senator Barack Obama’s name. Barack Obama is a Nigerian name that roughly means: Hillary’s Worst Nightmare.