Friday, December 22, 2006

It is hard out here

Who you callin’ a ho ho ho, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

A runner in the women’s 800 meters at the Asian games was stripped of her silver medal after she failed a gender test. This marks the first failed gender test since Camilla Parker Bowles’ physical.

Man it is cold. This morning I was shaking like Tom Cruise taking a gender test.

I was shaking like Miss USA waiting for her pregnancy test.

Miss USA, Tara Conner, nearly lost her title. She was accused of excessive drinking, promiscuity drug use and public lesbian displays. Or as Britney Spears calls that, Thursday.

Miss USA, Tara Conner nearly lost her title because she was kissing Miss Teen USA; well, if this Miss USA gig doesn’t work out she can always become a Carolina Panther Cheerleader.

Now that is what I call a download
Experts predict that people will soon be able to have sex with their computers. To which many avid male computer users excitedly said; “That’s great. What’s sex?”

Joy stick sold seperately.

Experts predict that people will soon be able to have sex with their computers. That means you will soon be able to download porn from the Internet on to your computer of a web cam shot of you having sex with your computer.

Bill Gates must be so proud.  

Pander Bear
“Time” magazine named everybody person of the year; isn’t that the most shameless attempt at sucking up to people you’ve ever heard? That is so beneath you, you absolutely the greatest blog reading audience in all of history.

Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
A New Delhi runner in the women’s 800 meters at the Asian games was stripped of her silver medal after a failed gender test. It was awkward, when informed the woman failed her gender test, President Bush said; “That can happen if you don’t study. Believe me, I know.”

Experts predict that people will be able to have sex with their computers. There are different programs for having sex with a computer.

The lesbian version of the computer sex program is called “Rosie O’Download.”

The gay male version of the computer sex program is called “Brokeback Mounting.”

The straight male version of the computer sex program is called “Carmen Electricuted.”

The straight female version of the computer sex program is called “Go Get a Damn Vibrator.”

No problem
Miss USA, Tara Conner, nearly lost her title because she was groping Miss Teen USA at a bar. Let’s discuss this trend of hot women making out with each other in single bars. Essentially it is nothing but a tawdry attempt to get attention merely to titillate men. And we are fine with that.    

Miss USA, Tara Conner, nearly lost her title because she was groping Miss Teen USA at a bar. What’s the big deal? Men know that there are only two kinds of women: those who admit that they are bi-curious and women who are lying-through-their-teeth about being bi-curious.

Ya cain’t get thah from heah, Amigo
Authorities in Maine arrested three illegal Mexican immigrants. The Mexican immigrants were booked until the Maine authorities could figure out what the hell they were. “Why, Chester, them fellas yonder is speaking some kinda foreign language I do believe.”

This is so weak
After worrying all night, Donald Trump gave a crying and grateful Miss USA a second chance. In other words, (wait for it, wait for it) a tired Trump reiterated that a teary Tara retains her Tiara.