Say what? Rollercoaster, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

So cute
Did you hear that Britney Spear’s baby, Sean Preston, said his first words? He said; “Dada.” Actually, what he said was; “Dada, get a job.”

Poor thing
Billionaire Warren Buffet got married on his 76th birthday; in a related story, Anna Nicole Smith has been placed on suicide watch.

Nookie State?
The Hustler Hollywood sex boutique stores are advertising back-to-school sales. Who is this for, people who are enrolled at Hooter’s U.?

One or other
At the store where Britney Spears is registered for her baby shower, Britney has listed many pink and frilly gifts. So either Britney is having a girl or a very, very gay boy.

No shot, that’s what
Former NASCAR champion, Rusty Wallace, totaled his SUV when a woman ran a stop sign while talking on her cell phone. Rusty is fine, but if a race car champion can’t avoid a yammering soccer mom driver, what the hell chance do the rest of us have?

Yay Keefers
The world’s oldest person passed away in Cuba at 115-years-old. Congratulations to the new oldest person alive: Keith Richards.

Close
After not solving the 1996 JonBenet Ramsey case, the Boulder police fly a suspect, John Mark Karr, first class from Thailand only to find he is not a DNA match so they let him go. If the Boulder police were any more inept they’d be in the C.I.A.

Not good
John Mark Karr was extradited from Thailand to Boulder as a suspect in the JonBenet Ramsey murder, polygamist Warren Jeffs was arrested for marrying underage girls. This is a tricky time for creepy white pedophiles. So watch out, Michael Jackson.

We kid the French
Airport security is banning people from carrying on deodorant, shaving cream, toothpaste and mouthwash. So expect a huge surge in tourism from France.

That in-between thang
Michael Jackson turned 48 this week. This is an awkward age for Michael, too old to be a pop star, to young to start dating grown ups.