It is hard out here

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude we in the mood, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Traveling tips
Due to the foiled terrorist threat, you can no longer bring bottled water on a plane. Unless you hide the water bottle inside your poisonous snake.

What is going on? We can’t bring water on a plane but a water moccasin is fine.

So how does “Snakes on a Plane” work? “Please stow your Python in the overhead storage compartment or on the floor underneath the seat in front of you.”

Another timely tip
After ten years, the Bolder, Colo police have arrested a suspect in connection to the Jon Benet Ramsey murder. In addition, they said they have a hot lead on who kidnapped the Lindberg baby.

The Jon Benet murder suspect was in Bangkok where he was under investigation for sex crimes; how much of a pervert do you have to be to commit what is considered a sex crime in Bangkok? That’s like being sentenced to an anger management class in Baghdad.  

Insult to injury
Running back Lee Suggs was deemed unfit to play for the New York Jets. That’s rough. It’s like losing in ‘Jeopardy’ to Britney Spears.

New Orleans Saints rookie Reggie Bush was fined $10,000 because he wore Adidas cleats instead of the NFL sanctioned Reeboks or Nike. This is the largest shoe-related fine since the “Queer Eye” guys fined Donald Trump $15,000 for wearing white shoes after Labor day.

Pay it forward
“The Sixth Sense” child star Haley Joel Osment, 18, will be charged with a DUI and misdemeanor possession of marijuana. “I see Deadhead people.”

Mel, such a deal you got
In his plea bargain for drunk driving charges, Mel Gibson must attend A.A. meetings, perform public service announcements and pay $1,300 in fines. In addition, they sentenced Mel to Hebrew awareness classes and to watch six episodes of Larry David’s “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”