It is hard out here
Vis-a-vis, aka, F.Y.I. apropos the 411 skinny via the low-down per the shizzle in the mizzle, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Like that
Astronomers have declared that Pluto is no longer a planet. Pluto was kicked out of our solar system. Just like Star Jones.
We kid the Tomcat
Hurricane Ernesto was downgraded to a tropical storm. In fact, Ernesto has lost so much power, Paramount Studios didn’t renew his contract.
It’s always the last place you look
Jessica Simpson has lost her voice. The embarrassing part? She’s looking for it everywhere.
Dogged driver
A woman in Beijing crashed when she let her dog drive her car. Turns out they lost control because the dog had to drive seven times the speed limit in dog years.
Important safety tip: don’t drive with your head sticking out of the window.
Good news bad news
A man in Poland who lost his tongue had it replaced with tissue from his buttocks. The good news is he can talk again. The bad news? His breath really stinks.
Apparently now the guy is a real butthead.
See?
Astronomers have declared that Pluto is no longer a planet. That’s what happens if you piss off Barbra Walters.
No spring chicken legs
Michael Jackson turned 48 this week. You can tell Michael is getting older, he just can’t handle the Jesus Juice like he used to.
Amazing
An international peacekeeping force in Lebanon was dealt a setback when the French only sent 400 troops instead of the thousands of troops they promised. It turns out the French have become so good at retreating they can now retreat before they even arrive.
You know the only thing more useless than 400 French soldiers? Thousands of French soldiers.
It might work
There is a video clip circulating e-mails of a Japanese game show where the male contestants attempt a tongue-twister and, if they fail, they get hit by a spring-loaded paddle in the groin. The good news is that we may have found the way to teach President Bush how to pronounce Nuclear.
Impressive
San Diego State’s football coach, Chuck Long, requires players to send handwritten thank you notes to sports writers. That’s nothing, the University of Miami coach makes his players send writers personalized license plates they hand-stamped in prison.
Like them
The Oakland Raiders signed troubled 38-year-old washout Jeff George. George hasn’t completed a pass in the NFL in five years. Kind of like the Houston Texans.
We kid the French
Do you know what happened this week 62 years ago? The allied liberation of Paris from the Nazis and we Americans were involved in no small way. The only people who were involved in a small way? The French.
Since you asked:
Since you asked:
With Paramount dumping Tom Cruise and the chief of the film co. Morgan Creek publicly chastising Lindsay Lohan’s poor work habits, it’s clear that Hollywood is fed up with spoiled movie stars. With their added expenses and trouble not translating into box office cash, studios are now shying away from questionably talented difficult divas. (See: Jennifer Lopez)
Imagine the countless millions of dollars Russell Crowe cost the producers and the studio of “Cinderella Man” when he brained that concierge with a wall phone while promoting the feel good nice guy movie. Feel good nice guy movies are a little hard to believe when their petulant drunken star is busy concussing the hotel staff.
The trend is towards low-profile, high-talented actors like “Sideways” Paul Giamatti, Thomas Haden Church and Virginia Madsen. Not only has Paul Giamatti never thrown a phone and concussed the help, ala Crowe and Naomi Cambell, but I doubt he has ever cussed a dropped call.
Hollywood is taking a cue from the sports world. Big salary primma donnas don’t pay in the long run. The Philadelphia Eagles dumped Terrill Owens for the same reason Paramount dumped Tom Cruise.
Even in the cut-throat business world, companies are learning that employing jerks do not pay off in the end. One of the latest executive recruiting tactics is to observe carefully how a potential hire responds to a waiter when their food or drink order has been pre-arranged to be botched. One"Get me the manager” or “Do you know who I am?” and they are history.
People don’t want to pay money to a&&holes. And they certainly don’t want their hard earned money to go to making some jerk a billionaire. Used to be it was good enough to make nice when the cameras are rolling, ala Star Jones, but you could still be a screaming bitch behind the scenes. But as Barbra Walters has shown us, that doesn’t work anymore. Star was tossed off “The View” couch faster than a homeless person trying to nap at Ethan Allen.
Rumor has it that is the reason Pluto got canned as a planet. Sure, Pluto played the cute littlest planet up to the press, but to the other planets he was a difficult psycho with short man’s disease.
Like Tom Cruise.
Like that
Astronomers have declared that Pluto is no longer a planet. Pluto was kicked out of our solar system. Just like Star Jones.
We kid the Tomcat
Hurricane Ernesto was downgraded to a tropical storm. In fact, Ernesto has lost so much power, Paramount Studios didn’t renew his contract.
It’s always the last place you look
Jessica Simpson has lost her voice. The embarrassing part? She’s looking for it everywhere.
Dogged driver
A woman in Beijing crashed when she let her dog drive her car. Turns out they lost control because the dog had to drive seven times the speed limit in dog years.
Important safety tip: don’t drive with your head sticking out of the window.
Good news bad news
A man in Poland who lost his tongue had it replaced with tissue from his buttocks. The good news is he can talk again. The bad news? His breath really stinks.
Apparently now the guy is a real butthead.
See?
Astronomers have declared that Pluto is no longer a planet. That’s what happens if you piss off Barbra Walters.
No spring chicken legs
Michael Jackson turned 48 this week. You can tell Michael is getting older, he just can’t handle the Jesus Juice like he used to.
Amazing
An international peacekeeping force in Lebanon was dealt a setback when the French only sent 400 troops instead of the thousands of troops they promised. It turns out the French have become so good at retreating they can now retreat before they even arrive.
You know the only thing more useless than 400 French soldiers? Thousands of French soldiers.
It might work
There is a video clip circulating e-mails of a Japanese game show where the male contestants attempt a tongue-twister and, if they fail, they get hit by a spring-loaded paddle in the groin. The good news is that we may have found the way to teach President Bush how to pronounce Nuclear.
Impressive
San Diego State’s football coach, Chuck Long, requires players to send handwritten thank you notes to sports writers. That’s nothing, the University of Miami coach makes his players send writers personalized license plates they hand-stamped in prison.
Like them
The Oakland Raiders signed troubled 38-year-old washout Jeff George. George hasn’t completed a pass in the NFL in five years. Kind of like the Houston Texans.
We kid the French
Do you know what happened this week 62 years ago? The allied liberation of Paris from the Nazis and we Americans were involved in no small way. The only people who were involved in a small way? The French.
Since you asked:
Since you asked:
With Paramount dumping Tom Cruise and the chief of the film co. Morgan Creek publicly chastising Lindsay Lohan’s poor work habits, it’s clear that Hollywood is fed up with spoiled movie stars. With their added expenses and trouble not translating into box office cash, studios are now shying away from questionably talented difficult divas. (See: Jennifer Lopez)
Imagine the countless millions of dollars Russell Crowe cost the producers and the studio of “Cinderella Man” when he brained that concierge with a wall phone while promoting the feel good nice guy movie. Feel good nice guy movies are a little hard to believe when their petulant drunken star is busy concussing the hotel staff.
The trend is towards low-profile, high-talented actors like “Sideways” Paul Giamatti, Thomas Haden Church and Virginia Madsen. Not only has Paul Giamatti never thrown a phone and concussed the help, ala Crowe and Naomi Cambell, but I doubt he has ever cussed a dropped call.
Hollywood is taking a cue from the sports world. Big salary primma donnas don’t pay in the long run. The Philadelphia Eagles dumped Terrill Owens for the same reason Paramount dumped Tom Cruise.
Even in the cut-throat business world, companies are learning that employing jerks do not pay off in the end. One of the latest executive recruiting tactics is to observe carefully how a potential hire responds to a waiter when their food or drink order has been pre-arranged to be botched. One"Get me the manager” or “Do you know who I am?” and they are history.
People don’t want to pay money to a&&holes. And they certainly don’t want their hard earned money to go to making some jerk a billionaire. Used to be it was good enough to make nice when the cameras are rolling, ala Star Jones, but you could still be a screaming bitch behind the scenes. But as Barbra Walters has shown us, that doesn’t work anymore. Star was tossed off “The View” couch faster than a homeless person trying to nap at Ethan Allen.
Rumor has it that is the reason Pluto got canned as a planet. Sure, Pluto played the cute littlest planet up to the press, but to the other planets he was a difficult psycho with short man’s disease.
Like Tom Cruise.
posted by Alex at
9:14 AM
<< Home