Friday, August 18, 2006

It is hard out here

What we is is the is that it is what it is, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Driving with the drunks
“The Sixth Sense” child star Haley Joel Osment, 18, will be charged with a DUI and misdemeanor possession of marijuana. “I see Deadhead people.”

I had a good day. I drove through Hollywood and I didn’t get hit by one drunk movie star.

In his plea bargain for drunk driving charges, Mel Gibson must attend A.A. meetings, perform public service announcements and pay $1,300 in fines. In addition, they sentenced Mel to Hebrew  classes and to watch six episodes of Larry David’s “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”

The house that Uncouth Built     
They broke ground on the new one billion dollar Yankee Stadium. Everything is state of the art. Even the urinals will come with their own test tubes.

The acoustics will be amazing, the home plate umpire will be able to hear a guy from the last row tell him to go screw himself.

Scary flight
A flight from London to Washington DC had to be diverted to Boston when a woman became so hysterical she urinated on the cabin floor. I’m telling you, those snakes on planes will scare the living piss out of you.

Right after that she was arrested, not for being hysterical but for bringing that water on to a plane.

No time for a Fantasy in Football
It’s that time of year where guys who play fantasy football are getting ready for their draft. These guys take it so seriously, they don’t have time to pay attention to their imaginary girlfriends.

Right man for the job
Former Chargers Linebacker Junior Seau held a huge press conference in San Diego to announce his retirement from football and then two days later he signed with the New England Patriots. In short, Junior announced he was doing one thing, was offered some money and then turned around and did the opposite. Seau shouldn’t be a linebacker, he should be congressman.