Put up the what up or shut up, Torn Slattern and Nugget Ranchers

Who would have thunk?
“Snakes on a Plane” was number one at the box office; Man, six months ago, who would have thought a bunch of deadly snakes would be more popular in Hollywood than Mel Gibson?

Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
Astronomers are demoting Pluto as a planet. It was a little awkward when President Bush heard Pluto had been demoted he said; “Well, I’m not surprised, he couldn’t talk like Goofy could.”

And he was the pet dog of a mouse
Astronomers are going to demote Pluto from being a planet. Apparently Pluto is going to be replaced with Reuben Stoddard.

Astronomers are demoting Pluto from being labeled a planet. Now instead of nine planets, our solar system only has eight; that’s when you know the economy is in trouble, when they have to downsize a planet.

Exciting time
This is the time of year where Fantasy Football leagues gear up for their draft; it is serious, Fantasy Football participants spend so much time researching players that they don’t have time for their imaginary girlfriend.

Get it?
A flight from London to Washington DC had to be diverted to Boston when a woman became so hysterical she urinated on the cabin floor. Look for the upcoming movie “Leaks on a Plane.”

Who knew?
Hollywood is still in shock over how roughly Paramount Studios dumped Tom Cruise. The studio dumped Cruise so harshly you’d think he’d gone on a drunken anti-Semitic tirade.

Mel Gibson is reportedly calling key Jewish figures in Hollywood to apologize for his drunk, anti-Semitic remarks. It’s not going well. For one thing Mel calls them collect.

It’s not going well. Mel opens the calls with the joke about the Rabbi and the half-priced ham.

That should do it
“People” magazine’s “Before They Were Stars” issue featured a picture of a young Tom Cruise in a provocative pose wearing a skin tight white sleeveless t-shirt and tight blue jeans. Yeah, that should end all the gay rumors.

Not good
On the new season of “Survivor” the contestants are being divided into teams by race. That doesn’t bode well for the white team during the “Dancing with Rhythm” immunity challenge.

Kinda the same
Running back Kevin Barlow compared Forty Niners coach Mike Nolan to Adolf Hitler after Barlow was traded to the New York Jets. He has a point, being sent to the Jets is the NFL equivalent of being sent to the Russian front.

So real
The big show on HBO is “Entourage” a show that gives an inside look at Hollywood. In fact, actor Jeremy Piven is so good portraying a ruthless Hollywood agent, he almost got the role of the lead snake on “Snakes on a Plane.”