Friday, July 28, 2006

We grinnin’ and winnin’ Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Shocker, not
Former N’ Sync singer Lance Bass announced that he is gay; in addition, Lance revealed he is in a relationship with a reality show star. The shocking part? It isn’t Ryan Seacrest.

Former N’ Sync singer Lance Bass announced that he is gay; wow, a singer/dancer from a boy band named Lance is gay? Who could have seen this one coming?

The black dress Audrey Hepburn wore in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” is being auctioned for charity. In a related story, to raise money for the dress, Lance Bass withdrew his bid to launch into space.

Former N’ Sync singer Lance Bass announced that he is gay; it is not clear what effect this announcement will have on the countless millions of people who don’t care.

Immediately after the announcement, Lance’s manager thanked Lance for being candid and then asked him to go help the next Radio Shack customer

Now that is drunk
In London, David Hasselhof was kicked off a plane for being too drunk. To give you an idea how drunk Hasselfhof was, he was even drunker than the pilots.

Whew, that is a lot of juice
Tour De France winner Floyd Landis tested positive for high levels of testosterone. To give you an idea how high, Landis had even more testosterone than Hilary Clinton.

Tour De France winner Floyd Landis tested positive for high levels of testosterone. How high? His testosterone was higher than that of the entire Comic Con comic book convention combined.

Tour De France winner Floyd Landis tested positive for high levels of testosterone. In fact, the last time anyone had testosterone levels that high they proclaimed “Mission accomplished” on the deck of an aircraft carrier.

Nice touch
Gas prices continue to go up. Today a gas station in Beverley Hills not only went to full service, they hired a wine steward to pour the gas.


Since you asked
The United States Olympic Committee has narrowed the list of cities to host the 2016 Olympics to Los Angeles, Chicago and San Francisco, if they do decide to bid. In other words, San Diego has been eliminated as an option for an Olympics we may not bid for. That’s like Rosie O’Donnell telling a guy she wouldn’t date him if she were straight.