Wednesday, July 19, 2006

It is hard out here

Oh, that ain’t just sick, that ain’t just ill, that mofo is diseased, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Man it is hot. I’m sweating like the guy operating the swear-catcher during President Bush’s next speech.

How hot is it
Have you seen a national heat chart map where the colors are bluer for cold and redder for hot? It is so hot, there haven’t been this many red states since John Kerry ran for President.

Babs puts the wash in Washington
President Bush had a busy day today. He met with his advisors in the morning, and then, after lunch, his mother Barbara washed his mouth out with soap.

At the G-8 conference, a mike picked up President Bush saying the S-word while discussing Hezbollah with British Prime Minister Tony Blair. Give Bush some credit, a week before this, Bush thought Hezbollah was a kind of Kosher bread.

At the G-8 conference, a live mike picked up President Bush swearing and talking with his mouthful. On the upside, President Bush has been asked to make a cameo appearance in “The Sopranos.”

That’s right, he said the S word: Senators.

Call now
Former 'Baywatch' star Carmen Electra and guitarist Dave Navarro have split after three years of marriage. For all you guys who think they have a chance with Carmen, call 1-800-Oh-Please.

Not clear on the concept
Chairman of Hooters restaurants, Robert Brooks, died at 69; upon hearing the Hooters Chairman died at 69, Paris Hilton asked; “Doing that can kill you?”

Not bi-ing it
In an interview in her magazine, “O” Oprah Winfrey declared that she and her best friend, Gayle King, are not gay; I’m not so sure though. Oprah then jumped up and down on her couch and screamed; “I’m in love, I’m in love.”

Again, how hot is it?
It is so hot in Pittsburgh people are going to Pirates games just to feel their cold streak.

Get it?
Wal-Mart announced that they are not going to prosecute shoplifters who steal less than $25 worth of merchandise. This policy change is officially on Wal Mart’s charter as the Winona rider.

Where’s the beef?
According to PETA, the San Francisco Giants have the most vegetarian-friendly ballpark food. It’s true, they don’t even have any meat in their lineup.

Now that’s ugly
“Sports Illustrated” swimsuit model Christie Brinkley’s divorce from her fourth husband has turned ugly. How ugly? This divorce is uglier than Brinkley’s first husband, Billy Joel.

Who knew?
New studies reveal that coffee is loaded with antioxidants and is very healthy for you; how healthy is coffee? Larry King is actually 205-years-old.