Tuesday, May 02, 2006

It is hard out here

She’s waiting for another love, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Jose can you see?
A Spanish version of the Star Spangled Banner is causing quite a stir; some feel it should only be in English, others like the sound of Spanish, and others don’t care as long as Roseanne Barr never sings “The Star Spangled Banner” again.

Help is on the way
Magician David Blaine is going to live underwater for seven days; upon hearing this, FEMA will try to get to him in a couple of weeks.

Blaine is spending so much time underwater, when comes out he will be an official citizen of New Orleans.

Yeah, ‘cause that’s what they needed
Rosie O’Donnell is going to replace Meredith Vierra on “The View.” Because that’s what that show needed: another woman who is loud and talks too much.

Can you imagine if a male cop tried to evacuate the set of “The View” for a bomb threat?

“Ladies, uh, Rosie, we, um, excu . . . Star, Maam, I, Ms. Walters, there . . . oh forget it.”

He forgot
The son of actor Denzel Washington, John David Washington, was signed by the St. Louis Rams. He could have signed with Tennessee, but sadly, Denzel’s son didn’t remember the Titans.

Not good
Yesterday was a national immigrant boycott. It was bad, the New York Yankees lost so many pitchers they had to play T-Ball.  

Yeah, that’ll fly
A lot of people don’t like the term illegal immigrant, they prefer undocumented worker. And today, Michael Jackson said he doesn’t like the term child molester, he prefers underage physical therapist.

Not quite, Sir
At the White House Correspondent’s dinner, Bush impersonator Steve Bridges looked so much like President Bush that when Bush first saw him, he thought his 34% approval rating had doubled to 68%.

Since you asked:

Holy schnikees, I got it. My new band’s name:


Now what kind of Hagan Dazie, hoity toity Europinksy type name is that for a rockin’ blues band you may well ask?

All amped up blues owes its roots to Chicago. And since the bands I play harmonica for are garage and bar bands, the name of the band is the Chicago pronunciation of garage band.

And we sexy it up using that funky, outside-the-box thinking, eBay and iPod odd use of capital letters.


What is great about that is it is also a built in BS detector. Somebody tries to pronounce as gurr ah sha baaahhhhnt you know they are full of it.

“Hey, deese guys tole me dat down dah street at dah Tavern dey got a goot gurrach bant on Suntays, so let’s go haffa a few Old Styles afder dah Bearsssss game.”

I like it. Buy the t-shirts.