Wednesday, May 03, 2006

It is hard out here

It’s the play that makes us stay, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Friday is Cinco De Mayo. Cinco De Mayo is Spanish for: Gas Prices Suck.

A lot of people don’t like the label illegal immigrant, they prefer undocumented worker. And today, Michael Jackson said he doesn’t like the label child molester, he prefers the term Priest.

You know we love and kid the Keith Richards
Magician David Blaine is going to live underwater for seven days; and when he comes out, he will be so pruney, he will be able to impersonate Keith Richards.

Keith Richards is still recuperating from a concussion but they say he is going to be fine. Doctors say Keith will be up, staggering around and slurring his words in no time.

Keith Richards is still recuperating from a concussion but he is going to be fine. Unfortunately, two of the doctors treating Keith Richards also suffered concussions; they passed out and hit their heads after asking Keith what medications he’s on.

The doctors initially had a communication problem with Keith Richards, but then they brought in Ozzie Osbourne to translate from drunk British rocker back into English.

An 8.0 earthquake hit the New Zealand area. To give you an idea how strong it was, when the earthquake hit Keith Richard’s New Zealand hospital, it shook so hard, Keith actually walked in a straight line.

Cranky test
Here is a test that you are getting cranky. If you are upset about the Spanish version of “The Star Spangled Banner”, but you were fine with Jimi Hendrix’s stoned psychedelic “Star Spangled Banner” at Woodstock in 1968, you may be getting a touch grumpy.

Sounds oddly familiar
Kaavya Viswanathan, the Harvard student caught plagiarizing 45 times in her novel, just lost her publishing deal. The good news is she is going to co-author a book with disgraced Oprah writer James Frey. Yeah, it’s called “The Da Vinci Coat.”

Since you asked, Keith Richards version:
Made some jokes – or took the piss, as the Brits say – at Keith, but make no mistake, there is the Keith people joke about, the cartoon of Keith Richards, and then there is the real Keith. Luckily I got to witness the real Keith rock the crap out of Petco Park last summer and he is still amazing. Jokes are one thing, but I really hope Keith is OK. Hate to lose that one, they aren’t making any more.

You want a good time waster? Go to Keith and click on “Ask Keith.” Once you get away from the cartoon image Keith, it doesn’t take you long to realize what a thoughtful, funny, engaging gentleman Keith Richards is. Honest but kind. Yes, he is wise and grizzled yet what clearly comes through is his child-like innocence and passion. He obviously loves his life and his art – and why wouldn’t he? - and that is why he does both so well. Quite the philosopher, this Mister Richards.

That is the same spirit that sends a 62-year-old man to drinking rum all day in Fiji with his band mate and then he decides he has to climb a cocoanut tree and get a damn cocoanut. Keith Richards is fine, it is gravity that is the rat bastard.

It was interesting for me to read that, when asked about what music he listens to, Keith went through his entire day. For Keith Richards, music is like air. It has to be there all day for him to live.

Ready for this? Keith Richards always wakes up to Mozart. Sometimes Bach but usually Mozart. As the day goes on he goes for some esoteric Jazz or, if the sun is out, some Reggae. After lunch some R&B and then when people come over he plays DJ and plays songs he think they’ll like. His kids might suggest some hip hop or techno, but he says he can only take that for about a half an hour. Then it is on to straight freakin’ stone cold blues.

Here is hoping that, someday, Keith Richards listens to the whaling soulful sound of, you got it, gurRach Bant. (Decided to make it two words)

Here is also hoping that all of us, Slats and Nugs, will wake up to Mozart and be drunk on rum with a close friend, climbing a cocoanut tree in Fiji when we are 62.

Hang in there, Keith. Oh, and while we are saying a prayer for Keith, toss a prayer out for a wonderful woman who is a close friend to our amazing friend, Dayna, a mother of three named Heather.

Heather could use a kind thought.