Tuesday, April 25, 2006

It is hard out here

Stay righteous and off the pipe, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Good news, bad news
The good news is that President Bush is looking into lowering gas prices; the bad news is Bush’s first idea is to make it cheaper to fill up a car by making the gas tanks smaller.

On this date in 1990 the Hubble Space telescope was put in space.  The Hubble is amazing, it can actually see into the vacant hole where Dick Cheney’s soul would be.

Bad sign
The price of gas keeps going up. In L.A. rival gangs were car-pooling to their drive-by shootings.

Bush League
Star USC tailback Reggie Bush denied any wrong doing in his parents renting a San Diego area house from a prospective agent. And who doesn’t believe him? Come on, a guy named Bush doing something stupid then covering it up? Who has ever heard of such a thing?

Apparently USC star Reggie Bush’s parents lived in the $750,000 San Diego home for little or no rent. Upon hearing that, convicted ex-San Diego congressman Duke Cunningham said; “And the problem is what?”

Apparently USC star Reggie Bush’s parents lived in the $750,000 San Diego home for little or no rent. This is so bad, Bush’s parents may have no choice but to run for congress.

Star USC tailback Reggie Bush denied any wrong doing in his parents living in a San Diego area house owned by a prospective agent. And yet his parents moved out the same day it was reported in the news. They couldn’t look more suspicious if they wore black masks and black capes.

Since you askededededed;
Man, oh man, between our sports stars parents and our elected officials, am I the only one not living in San Diego for free?

Like it or not, and we do, a few people here at A.l.B.B. productions have a weakness for the grape in its fermented form. This is also known in some circles as imbibing too much wine. Sometimes this can lead to slight over-indulgence. When this rare event does occur, there are some steps to reduce and or end the residual symptoms.

A: Prevention is the first step. But you’ve already blown that, haven’t you, you son of a Bacchus? Drink fluids, preferably a sports drink like Propel or Gatorade, when retiring and take a vitamin supplement. And some aspirin.

You wake up and you think you have dodged a bullet, don’t you. Not so fast, Chester. Wait until you see how you feel when you get up and walk around. See? You’re not so bullet proof after all, are you?

B: Original size Jamba juice. Yes, they’ve been parodied on “SNL” but do you want to feel better or not? It hydrates you as well as giving you the electrolytes your body is missing. Here is a little secret. That dull headache you have is the same headache in reverse of a brain freeze. So if you drink the Jamba juice real fast the brain freeze cools off the headache.

C: Nap. This is the hardest for me because I don’t have the time, and I seem to have lost the ability. But if you can squeeze in at least 30 minutes, you will feel much, much better. Lack of R.E.M. sleep is one of the worst symptoms of too much booze.

D: Hard and vigorous exercise. The best is a hard swim. The cold water works wonders, especially in the Ocean. If you get a heavy sweat going for at least a half an hour of exercise – sauna and steam rooms work so-so, but exercise is key - you will have come as close as you can to being cured. Be sure to hydrate well afterwards.  

E: Rub a Labrador Retriever’s tummy. It won’t help your hangover, but at least someone will feel better.