Wednesday, April 05, 2006

It is hard out here

That how we do, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Get it?
Several movie studios have announced movies will be available directly from the Internet. This is great new for guys waiting to download “Brokeback Mountain” to their hard drive.

Not buying it
Charges were dropped against ex- Minnesota Vikings QB Dante Culpepper during a sex cruise because Culpepper claimed he was playing a dice game all night. Naked strippers running around and Duante says he’s playing a dice game all night? Sounds like a lot of craps to me.

What she said
The Capital Police may press charges against Georgia representative Cynthia McKinney for  striking a security officer with her cell phone. McKinney, who is black, claims it is a case of racial profiling. Upon which Naomi Campbell said; “Yeah, me too.”

How dumb am I?
“Today Show” host Katie Couric is going to leave NBC and anchor the news on CBS. I am such an idiot that Katie could be reporting on man landing on Mars and I would be thinking “Heh, heh, I’ve seen your colon, heh.”

“Today Show” host Katie Couric is going to leave NBC and anchor the news on CBS.
What is Katie’s sign off going to be? “I’m Katie Couric and you’ve seen my colon.”

What has he got up there, a gun?
I like “The Sopranos” but what is with Tony Soprano’s noisy nose breathing? Even Darth Vadar is saying, “Breath through your mouth, will ya? ”  

Since you asked:
Do not Google old friends, especially old girlfriends or boyfriends. There are three things that can happen and all of them will be depressing.

1, Nothing will come up which will make you feel worried that their life is lost in quiet desperation. (Think John Candy in “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”)

2, Bad information will come up that will make you upset and depressed: they got sick, got divorced, went bankrupt, were fired, or heaven forbid, passed away.

3, Great information comes up and you find out that they are wildly successful, popular, rich and living an amazingly full life. This will make you the most depressed of all.

Because some old ugly midget French blogger with a chip on his shoulder against Americans got mad at a couple of jokes I wrote, he and his annoying readers Google bombed me with their insults; now his blog pops up under my Google search. And they wonder why we hate the French? My point is Google results don’t mean squat. There are still some of my jokes out there from 1996.

And a Soldier of Fortune newsletter reprinted a joke I wrote about Jane Fonda being an idiot pain-in-the-ass, now my name pops up in every psycho, far, far right Militia blog or newsletter there is. Google results don’t mean jack being my point.

The other point is that people who Google you will believe what they want to believe anyway.