Wednesday, April 05, 2006

It is hard out here

Since you asked:
Don’t you just love those helpful health articles in newspapers and magazines written by alleged health experts? And by love, I mean, don’t you actually despise them? They could be written by any idiot and to prove it, here goes:

Studies reveal that, not only is sleep good for you, but that Americans are not getting enough sleep. There are many factors that can result in lack of sleep. Among the factors attributed to causing lack of sleep are not going to bed early enough, consuming too much caffeine right before bed time, too much alcohol consumption and the stress and anxiety associated with having a job and a family and friends. In other words, life.

There are many health problems associated with lack of sleep not the least of which is being really, really tired. Being really tired can result in feelings of fatigue which can lead to crankiness, and a general lack of alertness. Lack of alertness can result in job related injuries, ranging from hitting your chin on your desk as you doze off to causing a meltdown at a nuclear power plant.  

So what can be done about lack of sleep and its fatigue-related problems? Many experts feel lack of sleep can be improved by sleeping more, although there are some who disagree. For example the fifth out of five dentists who does not recommend their patients who chew gum chew sugarless gum. But, as we all know, there are some a-holes who can’t agree on anything. Right, France?

For the majority who do feel that sleeping more can help with lack of sleep, here are some suggestions on how to sleep more. Go to bed and lie down. This proves generally effective, unless, of course, your wife happens to mention to you, right before you doze off;

“When are you going to get the taxes done?”

Naps are also a good way to get more sleep, but napping for too long, say over an hour, can make it harder to go to sleep at night, as anyone with the sense of a six-year-old already knows. (This  sense-of-a-six-year-old rule applies to generally every other “insight” in these insipid health tip articles) My advice is nap for no longer than a half an hour. Any longer and you risk waking like somebody who just shot heroin into their eyeballs.

But all wise-ass kidding aside, I really do have a great tip for falling asleep. As I have been a borderline insomniac all my life, I found one trick that really works. If you are having problems falling asleep, just imagine that there is some fairly urgent task awaiting you, like you left a light or computer on, and you have to get up right now and take care of it. Then tell yourself you will just rest a little while before getting up to do that task. You will be asleep in the next minute.

Next: How to get ripped abdomen muscles. Hint: it may have something to do with diet and exercise.