Go ahead and spank t

Go ahead and spank that money-maker, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Ouch
The New Orleans Saints hired a new coach named Sean Payton. Sean Payton is no relation to the Colts QB Peyton Manning because this Payton may actually win a playoff game sometime.

Makes sense
Some poor guy in London discovered his girlfriend was cheating on him when their parrot mimick-squawked how she yelled her lover’s name during sex, Now we know why Paris Hilton has a Chihuahua.

Geniusizzy
An article in the Journal of Clinical Investigation says that smoking marijuana can stimulate brain growth. In a related story, Snoop Dog just broke the recently set world record for solving the Rubic’s cube.

Couldn’t do it
Sylvester Stallone is going ahead with the production of “Rocky 6.” Sylvester Stallone will turn 60 during the filming of “Rocky 6.” I don’t want to say Sly is old, but if he was on death row, Arnold Schwarzenegger wouldn’t have the heart to execute him.

Tuesday California executed a 76-year-old inmate. They didn’t give him a lethal injection, they just made him watch the entire episode of the Golden Globes and he died of boredom.


Bubba Wear
For the “E” network, on the Golden Globe red carpet, gay fashion designer Isaak Mizrahi handled Scarlett Johanson’s cleavage. In a related story, Bill Clinton has announced he is now a fashion designer for his new line of Bubba Wear.

Yikes
For the “E” network, on the Golden Globe red carpet, gay fashion designer Isaak Mizrahi asked Eva Longoria how her pubic hair was groomed. Her reply? Let’s just say Eva doesn’t Terri her Hatcher.

Interviewing the “E” network, on the Golden Globe red carpet, gay fashion designer Isaak Mizrahi asked Eva Langoria about her pubic hair grooming, looked down Terri Hatcher’s dress and felt Scarlett Johanson’s breasts. This gay Isaak guy is doing better than me.

Skating away
Fox’s “Skating With Celebrities” features, Todd Bridges, Bruce Jenner and Debbie Gibson. And it’s not like they just used to be famous in the late seventies, why Jenner, Gibson and Bridges were recently in, uh, well, they did that, um, they had a cameo in . . . so they really skate, huh?

Fox’s “Skating With Celebrities” features, Todd Bridges, Bruce Jenner and Debbie Gibson.
Sounds more like “Skating By Qualifying as a Celebrity.” Todd Bridges? What’s the matter, couldn’t they find a skates small enough for Gary Coleman?

That’s my Bode
The current issue of “Time” features US skier Bode Miller with the title American Rebel; Miller caused a controversy by admitting on “Sixty Minutes” that he has raced drunk. Is that a big deal? Just recently the New York Giants played an entire playoff game drunk.

Not good
A survey reveals that if you have a TV in the bedroom, it cuts your sex life in half; unless your TV is tuned to NBC’s prime time, then you’re really screwed.

It Bode's well
The current issue of “Time” features US skier Bode Miller. Have you seen his picture? We don’t need to worry about Bode taking steroids, there are Iraqi girls in second grade with better beards.

The current issue of “Time” features US skier Bode Miller on the cover and the article reveals that Bode had hippy parents. What a shock there, a guy named Bode with hippy parents. I guess the name Bong was already taken.

Did you hear they might make an action movie starring Gold medal skiing favorite, Bode Miller? They don’t want Bode to get hurt for the Olympics doing stunts, so they are going to –wait for it, wait for it - use a Bode double.

New trend
Have you seen the video of formerly feuding Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O’Neal hugging before the game? The Shaq and Kobe hug was so touching it inspired a new movie: “Backboard Mountain.”

Bad
The new season of “American Idol” started last night. Can you believe how awful some of the singers are? They were so bad I had to listen to my Regis Philbin Christmas Album to get the sound out of my head.

The new season of “American Idol” started last night. Can you believe how awful some of the singers are? Folks, here is a tip, if every time you sing people look like they are about to spit out something horribly unpleasant tasting? Don’t go on “American Idol.”