Monday, December 12, 2005

Oh yeah we gonna sta

Oh yeah, we gonna stack it up and jack it up, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers



Here we go
The movie “Brokeback Mountain” is making history as the first Western to portray two gay cowboy lovers. However, many fans of the Lone Ranger and Tonto would beg to differ.


The movie “Brokeback Mountain” is making history as the first Western to portray two gay cowboy lovers. This is the latest in a series of films to portray two gay male lovers including the Prince Charles and Camilla wedding video.


Janice Hough’s
The movie “Brokeback Mountain” claims to be the first Western to portray gay male lovers. Really? What about “The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight”?


The movie “Brokeback Mountain” is making history as the first Western to portray two gay male lovers. What was the first action hero movie to portray two gay lovers? “Batman and Robin.”


How do they do it?
A study reveals that men’s sex drive goes down when their team loses. In fact, it’s a miracle they’re still producing more Chicago Cubs fans.


That soon?A study reveals that men’s sex drive goes down when their team loses. As a result, Los Angeles Dodger fans could be extinct by 2015.


Not good
The San Diego Chargers had a fifth close loss this season, this time to the Miami Dolphins, in a 23-21 upset. The Chargers are the best 8-5 team in the NFL which is like being the congressman who takes the fewest bribes.


Oops
The NBA has instituted a $10,000 dollar fine for any player whose shorts go below their knee caps; at which point Shaquille O’Neal told the NBA; “Psst, I got kind of a reason why my shorts have to go beyond my knee caps.”


Not this again
The movie “Brokeback Mountain” is making history as the first Western to portray two gay cowboys. If this works they’ll make a sequel” “Butch Cassidy and the Showtune Dance Kid.”



The movie “Brokeback Mountain” is making history as the first Western to portray two gay cowboy lovers. And if it does well, they’ll make a gay cowboy sequel: “Shootout at the Bend-over Corral.”


Do we need this?
An article in “Newsweek” on Heidi Fleiss’s brothel for women customers quotes a lobbyist for the Nevada Brothel Association. Do we really need some clown lobbying whore houses to congressmen? That’s like lobbying rich old guys to Anna Nicole Smith.



Not again
The movie “Brokeback Mountain” is making history as the first Western to portray two gay cowboy lovers. It’s pretty obvious that both of the lead characters are gay: they named their horses Barbra and Streisand.



Poor guy
It’s reported that Britney Spears is so angry at Kevin Federline that she took back his $200,000 Ferrari. Oh great, now how is Kevin going to get to that job he doesn’t have?


According to the tabloids, after kicking him out, Britney Spears has taken back Kevin Federline; apparently Britney felt that, without Kevin, the trailer just wasn’t trashy enough.


According to the tabloids, after kicking him out, Britney Spears has taken back Kevin Federline; apparently Britney was worried that Kevin was going to cheat on her and sleep with another couch.

Since you asked:

Now that my daughter plays soccer, we all sat around last night and watched the HBO documentary “Dare to Dream” about the women’s soccer team that won the World Cup in 1999. Forgot how great they were. These women proved that pretty girls can kick ass and look great while doing it. This may sound sexist, it may sound crude, it may sound un-politically correct, but the bottom line is that team had a lot of balls. And it helped that they were pretty. And not Hollywood pretty, like Angelina Jolie, real life pretty, like Jennifer Anniston.


Too bad that craze didn’t carry into women’s pro soccer. It just goes to show that, when it comes to fan mania, it isn’t the sport, it’s the personality of the players. When the dynamic Mia Hamm and Brandi Chastain and Julie Foudy quit so did a lot of the fan’s interest. The NBA was in serious trouble long before Ron Artest was beating up drunk scrawny fans. The NBA was saved by Magic and Bird, not by any marketing department. And later by Michael. LeBron might be their savior, but the NBA is going to need one for sure.


For that great women’s soccer team, people weren’t crazy about the amazingly good quality of play – most didn’t know anything about soccer and thought how those girls played looked normal – people were crazy about Mia Hamm and Brandi “Miss Holly Wood” Chastain and Julie “Loudy” Foudy and Joy Fawcett and Kristine Lilly. These girls were nice, and funny and had a lot of fun and love and skill. As Brandi once put it so well, “We are team that likes to kick ass during a game and then put on skirts and dance all night.” I don’t say you go girl anymore, but if I did I would say it now.


And as if we needed any more proof the press is full of crap, how about that much-ado about a sports bra? So what when Brandi ripped off her jersey? Guys do it after every goal. I see women clad only in sports bras all the time at the gym and out jogging. Why did that become a controversy? Because it sold advertising.


Rest in peace, Richard Pryor. He sure didn't when he was alive
As I grew up a strictly Bill Cosby and then George Carlin man, I was late to the Richard Pryor bandwagon. But the world has never seen anything to rival his “Live on the Sunset Strip.” Simply the funniest stand up performance ever. Period. Don’t even question it. Ah. No, don’t say Robin anyone, do not say Steve somebody, that is it.