Rub some nasty on it

Rub some nasty on it and throw down, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers



Everyone who isn’t a publicity whore skank take a step forward, not so fast Anna
Former stripper Anna Benson, is furious because she claims the New York Mets are looking to trade her husband, Kris, because she, Anna, tried – but failed - to pose in “Playboy.” Yeah, that is it, Anna. Everyone knows how much people in baseball hate to look at naked, slutty women.


They don’t have to worry
Jennifer Anniston is threatening to sue paparazzi who have a photo of her sunbathing topless. Why is this so hard for celebrities to understand? If you are topless outdoors, someone is going to take a picture of your breasts. Unless you’re Michael Moore or Camilla Parker Bowles.


Yikes
New York declared yesterday King Kong day including an over twenty-foot replica of King Kong in Times Square. It shocked many New Yorkers, they thought it was the biggest rat they’d ever seen.


New York declared yesterday King Kong day including an over twenty-foot replica of King Kong in Times Square. Even the Times Square hookers were into it: they offered a fifty dollar banana special.


Sheesh
Ricky Martin is going to perform at CBS’s “Victoria Secret’s Secret Fashion Show”.  Why? That’s more of a waste than appointing Michael Jackson host of Karaoke at the Playboy Mansion.


Good, Mr. President
Afghanistan announced they have killed one of the top al Qaeda leaders; on the news they announced he ranked between the number three and the number five leaders. Or as President Bush calls that: This many (Four fingers)

Hate to see that
Companies and governments are afraid to use the term Christmas tree, they have to call them the P.C. term: Holiday Tree. Political correctness is ruining other parts of the holidays. Now the “The Grinch That Stole Christmas” is “The Grinch That Allegedly Confiscated the Holidays.”


Companies and governments are afraid to use the term Christmas tree, they have to call them the P.C. Holiday Tree. Political correctness is ruining other parts of the holidays. Now the Christmas movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” is now “It’s a Sufficiently Adequate Life.”


Companies and governments – including the White House - are afraid to use the term Christmas tree, they have to use the P.C. Holiday Tree. This is effecting other parts of the holidays now Chanukah is referred to as: The Jewish Holiday-you-can-never-spell-or-pronounce-correctly.



Why fire him?
In college football, Tom Craft was fired by San Diego State after a 19-29 four-year record. That’s hardly fair. All he did was lose and he got fired? Craft didn’t take bribes, go bankrupt or accept any illegal funds from strip clubs, he just lost. In San Diego that’s called: over-achieving.  


You really can’t blame them
Elton John and his longtime lover, David Furnish, are getting married at the same place Prince Charles married Camilla Parker Bowles, Guildhall, Windsor. Elton wanted a venue that had experience marrying same sex couples.


Pimp your pedals
Cadillac has launched a line of quality bicycles; they are nice, in fact, for Cadillac’s sake, they might be too nice: people are calling the new Cadillac’s bike the Rolls Royce of bikes.


Cadillac has launched a line of quality bicycles; this is the perfect holiday gift for pimps who have a ‘Ho on the go.


Of course he is
The Reverend Al Sharpton is getting his own sitcom on CBS; in fact, the pilot is a Holiday special called “I’m Dreaming of a Whitey Christmas.”


Since you asked:
As a proud American male, I am becoming increasingly insulted by the biased portrayal of men in sports commercials as mindless babe-lusting, truck-drooling beer-guzzling idiots. It is nothing less than both hypocritical as well as sexist. Try this typecasting with females and the National Organization of Women will slap you with a law suit faster than you can say: overly-caffeinated psycho soccer mom.


Take, for example, the cell phone ad that runs during many sports events that stereotypically depicts two male jamokes, in the middle of a near nuclear plant meltdown no less, heatedly arguing an incredibly inane debate on whether the Bacon Lettuce and Tomato sandwich should or should not include mayonnaise in its title. That ad is as insulting as it is demeaning.


Everyone knows the mayonnaise is implied. You go to a thousand diners and order a thousand BLTs and that puppy is coming with the bread toasted and with the mayonnaise on it every time, my friend. You no wanna the Mayo? You best say so, Amigo. Besides, you don’t call a bacon cheeseburger a bacon cheeseburger ketchup just because somebody added ketchup. Do you have to specify a sausage and tomato sauce pizza? No. Condiments and sauces, although crucial to sandwiches and pizzas, do not get billing, period.


(Polite applause)


I hope this will forever debunk the image of sports-loving guys as jamoke beer-soaked knuckleheads who waste valuable work time in useless and silly moronic arguments.


This editorial has been brought to you by the people at Miller Lite. Tastes great. Less Filling.