We keepin it real in

We keepin’ it real in the deal, so how it feel, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?


Marketing nightmare
Rapper 50 Cent announced he wants to launch his line of condoms. Is that a good idea? How many times has 50 Cent been shot? Nine? Do you really want a condom named after a guy with nine holes in him?


City literate least the
A USA Today survey ranked Seattle, Washington as the most literate city in the U.S. What is the least literate city in the US? The town of Dyslexia, Virginia West.


Hate to hear that
Rumor has it there was a reason Nick and Jessica broke up: Jessica caught Nick cheating on her with another imbecile.


Winter solstice
The days sure are getting shorter. Now by five o’clock it’s dimmer than the debate team of Jessica Simpson and President Bush.


Creative
A British study reveals that creative people have a lot more sex than non-creative people. That’s because they’re so creative at telling their spouses where they’ve been all night.


Scapegoat
An employee at Wendy’s named Ronald McDonald was arrested for stealing from the Wendy’s safe; Ronald McDonald claims the whole thing was masterminded by the Hamburgler.


Oops
Nobody was hurt, but a chunk of concrete fell from the Supreme Court building. It’s getting scary in Washington. This is right after a huge chunk fell off of Ted Kennedy’s forehead.


Shore it up
Nobody was hurt, but a chunk of concrete fell from the Supreme Court building. The infrastructure of Washington is getting old. The other day they had to give the Washington Monument one hundred cases of Viagra.



Hooking it up
The White House Christmas tree arrived yesterday; it’s very exciting, they’ll light the White House tree right after Dick Cheney’s lesbian daughter gets finished doing the wiring.


Boing
A medical study reveals that Americans are getting too fat to receive medicine injected into their butts because they’re butts are too fat. In a related story, Jennifer Lopez received her annual flu shot from a bow and arrow.


Fascinating
Barbara Walters declared Camilla Parker Bowles the most fascinating person of 2005. Notice how Camilla was not called the most fascinating woman? That’s what makes Camilla so fascinating, what is she, a guy or a girl?


Mean
Barbara Walters declared Camilla Parker Bowles the most fascinating person of 2005. In addition, Camilla was named cover girl of the British hunting magazine “Horse and Hounds.”


Good thinking
President Bush announced a ‘Strategy for Victory in Iraq.” The first step? Don’t announce “Mission Accomplished” before you’ve won.


President Bush announced a ‘Strategy for Victory in Iraq.” Here’s my question: Shouldn’t you be able to pronounce the word strategy before you can come up with one?


Up is down
It’s Bizarro world in the NBA, the Los Angeles Clippers are in first place in the pacific division and the Los Angeles Lakers are in last. That’s like the Kenyans trailing the corporate team from Krispy Kreme donuts in the Boston Marathon.


Good deals
This Monday was Cyber Monday, the biggest Internet shopping day; I bought an Xbox 360, an iPod and three San Diego Congressman.