Oh snap oh no you di

Oh, snap, oh no you diiiii . .  .‘nt, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers



Yeah, that reason
When asked why she split up with her husband, Nick Lachey, Jessica Simpson said; “The break -up was due to irreconon, irreceonicle, irreconusable . . . we couldn’t get along.”


Bloated birds
I still can’t get over the new Thanksgiving entry the Turducken. It’s a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey. How did that happen? Did some guy sit there eating turkey and actually think: “This Turkey is OK, but what it really needs is two more birds crammed inside of it.”


I still can’t get over the new Thanksgiving entry the Turducken. It’s a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey. There hasn’t been anything stuffed that much since the Paris Hilton video.


When I first heard about the Turducken I was so disgusted I almost spit out my deep-fried Twinkie.


Mean
Not everyone gains weight during the holidays, I know one person who lost 180 pounds of excess weight this Thanksgiving: Jessica Simpson.  


Not looking good for celebrity couples. Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are getting a divorce; and today, Britney Spears called and asked Jessica; “So, uh, you like your attorney, do you?”


Same technique
In Florida, police subdued and arrested a naked man by administering a taser shock to his testicles. It’s the same technique Britney Spears uses to get Kevin Federline off the couch.


Yikes
Did you see the mishap at the Macy Thanksgiving parade? The M&M balloon deflated and landed on spectators. It could have been worse, it could have been the Viagra balloon.


Not all bad news
On a United flight from Washington DC, a passenger was drunk, lit a cigarette and urinated in the aisle; on the bright side, it’s good to see Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Conner finally enjoying retirement.  


On a United flight from Washington DC, a man was drunk, lit a cigarette and urinated in the aisle; he was charged with disorderly conduct, lewd behavior and impersonating a commercial pilot.


Like that
On “Monday Night Football” the Indianapolis Colts defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers 26-7. Colts QB Peyton Manning looked impressive. On every play Peyton gestures wildly for motion, barks out instructions, changes people’s positions, just like my wife did on our honeymoon.  



Welcome
President Bush said he is going to crack down on people who enter the country illegally. Unless of course they approve of President Bush then they can come right in.


“Dupe” Cunningham
Rep. congressman Randy “Duke” Cunningham pleaded guilty to taking bribes. Cunningham was a Vietnam war jet pilot whose downing of three Soviet Migs inspired the Tom Cruise movie “Top Gun.” Unfortunately, his financial deals were more like “Risky Business.”    



My bad
The California Raisins will be performing at the Super Bowl halftime. Oops, sorry make that the Rolling Stones.  


Where did the time go?
Yesterday was the busiest online shopping day of the year. People were so busy online shopping yesterday, a lot of guys didn’t even have to time to download any porn.


Inflated Trojan
College football experts are saying the Reggie Bush may be the greatest running back to ever play at USC; if nothing else, Bush is certainly the greatest running back to ever play at USC who didn’t slaughter his ex-wife and her boyfriend.