Thursday, September 29, 2005

Oh, he a dawg, playa Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Get it?
Senator Tom Delay has been indicted by a Texas Grand Jury on a count of criminal conspiracy. If convicted he could prove to be the worst Delay in Washington since hurricane Katrina.

Or something like that
The Supreme Court has agreed to hear Anna Nicole Smith’s case to get $470 million of her late 90-year-old husband’s estate. The question is whether Anna was only a gold digger or if they actually consummated their marriage. It will be known as ‘Ho v. Laid.

Good idea
New York City Mayor Bloomberg wants to build 20 new public pay toilets. Pay toilets? That’s all New York needs: another excuse for people to pee in the subway.

The Atlanta Braves clinched their 14th straight division win. To show how things were different 14 years ago, we had troops in Iraq and the Rolling Stones were on tour and we had a President named Bush.

In health news, German scientists claim having sex can make you more intelligent. In a related story, Paris Hilton just discovered the cure for the common cold.


German scientists claim having sex can make you more intelligent. However, I can give you two words why that’s not the case: Paris and Hilton.

That was his gig
John Kerry said that he was never sure where John Roberts stood on the issues so he is not voting for him. Not because he doesn’t think Roberts is qualified, Kerry is mad at Roberts for stealing his campaign strategy.

Paris again
“Women’s Health” magazine reports that women take 27 minutes to have an orgasm. When asked to comment, Paris Hilton said, “Let’s see, you have to drive to the jewelry store, park and then buy the diamonds, yeah, that’s about right.”

Bad news, good news
At a war protest, Cindy Sheehan was arrested for sitting down and refusing to move. On the bright side, they’ve found the new head of FEMA.

Who knew?
In an interview with “Time” magazine, Neil Young, an accomplished guitar player, said he had had only one or two guitar lessons in his life. That’s amazing. Now, one or two singing lessons, that I could believe.

Deep Thoughts
A while back I said we had a new member of the family? Squishy the caterpillar. Well, Squishy –named by Ann Caroline - was soon joined by Roger, the second caterpillar. Virg bought a little caterpillar cage, sort of a fine mesh and clear plastic hat box and I kept it full of the fresh branches and leaves from the tree we took them from.

But alas, Squishy began to do that crazy-polar-bear-at-the-Bronx-zoo thing going in circles and endless circles. Then Squishy’s color got a little, well, squidgy. Well, sad to report that Squishy didn’t make it and soon Roger followed his behavior exactly and he also turned black and shriveled up.

Ann Caroline took it in stride, but I can’t figure out why they didn’t make it. Today, coming back from a run, I saw the first little butterfly that must have come from the same hatched graduating class of Squishy and Roger.

Who would have ever thought the sight of such a beautiful, small butterfly could make someone sad?

Ohhhhh, myyyyyyyyy.

(Polite golf-like applause)