Friday, September 16, 2005

We are dead smack all up in the gloaming, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The Big Apple? Nahh how 'bout the missing Cherry?
The New York Post claims women in New York have more sex than women in any other city. And that doesn’t include how, when they go shopping, they also get screwed by retailers.

Any relation to Eileen?
Paul McCartney’s wife, anti-fur activist Heather Mills got in a scuffle with Jennifer Lopez’s security forces and her artificial leg came undone. Witnesses say Heather Mills was hopping mad. But she decided to skip the lawsuit. Her lawyer said her case didn’t have a leg to stand on.

Paul McCartney’s wife, anti-fur activist Heather Mills, got in a scuffle with Jennifer Lopez’s security forces and her artificial leg came undone. Poor one-legged Heather doesn’t stand a chance in any ass kicking contest let alone against a butt as huge as J.Lo’s

Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
During his testimony in front of the Senate, Supreme Court nominee John Roberts said that his favorite movie was “Dr. Zhivago.” To which President Bush asked; “Was that there “Dr. Chicago” the sequel to “Dr. Detroit”?”

Do the math then the teacher
A government sex survey reveals the oral sex is way up among teenagers. And that’s not even counting with their teachers.

Thank you Billy and Monica
A government sex survey reveals the oral sex is way up among teenagers. To which a large number of teenage boys replied that they would like to give a thank you shout out to former President Bill Clinton.

Neeee haawwwww
John Roberts told the Senate judicial committee that he is not an ideologue. President Bush agreed saying, “He ain’t no idiot log, that boy’s sharper than a big city barber’s shavin’ razor.”

Kanyee tell me
While the war in Iraq goes on, special forces – or Black Ops - continue to fight in Afghanistan. However, rapper Kanyee West claims President Bush doesn’t care about Black Ops.

Big decisions
Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to decide on if he is going to run for a second term as governor; in addition he is also going to decide if he is still going to use English as a second language.

How is that possible?
The teenager that hacked into Paris Hilton’s cell phone was sentenced to 11 months in a juvenile facility. And by merely hacking into Paris’s cell phone, he was also sentenced to 11 months with a sexually transmitted disease.

Since you asked:

We have a new addition to the family: Squishy the caterpillar. (Ann Caroline named him) We put him in a box with a plastic window and punched holes in the top and put in milkweed branches. Squishy then gorged on the leaves and had attached himself to the top of the box when Ann Caroline said; “He’s getting ready to form his chrysalis.” Huh? How did she know that? Suddenly I feel like Forrest Gump with Forrest Junior.

A few years ago, I was driving Ann Caroline to day care and I looked in the rear view mirror and she had the most serious look of concentration a four-year-old can have. When I asked her what she was thinking about she paused for a second and then said;


All the good people here at A.l.b.B. would like to introduce you to a new feature we like to call:

Lex is an idiot confession:
When the mood hits me - and it does more than I care to admit - I like to pretend that, when I am on this here computer, that I am the captain of a submarine or some futuristic military-attack space shuttle.

“OK, ready the fax for firing. Load the document. Click in the coordinates and fire. What? We’re receiving enemy spam and junk e-mails? Hit delete and run the virus checker, I want a full report from damage control. Gentleman, it’s time for a little recon work. Hit Google, then news and I want all the current data on Britney Spears’s baby’s name on the double. Why? Sorry, that’s on a need-to-know basis. Communications, I want an update on any new e-mails correspondences that have been delivered since the last check one minute ago, a.s.a.p.”

Sometimes, when I’m really feeling it, I pop up iTunes and play “Tom Gun’s” “Danger Zone” while I’m doing it. Sad? No, more like pathetic.

Beautful golden sunset here with just a hint of fall in the air. Going heavy on the California theme cuisine: Guacamole, Tri-tip and salsa, sourdough biscuits, ranch beans, wine, lots and lots of California wine.

Killer grind, dude.