Come on and lace us up, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Eww
VP Dick Cheney is scheduled to undergo arterial knee surgery. Cheney’s not a young guy, they discovered the problem with Cheney’s knee when they were down there checking his scrotum.
Eww, 2
A Chinese rubber company is making condoms called Clinton and Lewinski. Is it really a good idea to name a condom after a guy who once ruined an entire blue dress?
Eww, 3
A Chinese rubber company is making condoms called Clinton and Lewinski. The Clinton condom has an additional feature, because of Hillary: it prevents freezer burn.
Numbers don’t lie
According to a U.S. study, 10% of women do not wash their hands after going to the bathroom but 25% of men who don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom. In a related story, I will now stop shaking hands with 100% of people.
We kid the Howard
On her talk show, Tyra Banks had her breasts examined and it was determine that they were real. In addition, on his radio show, Howard Stern had his prostate checked and it was determined he really is an ass.
Or
On her talk show, Tyra Banks had her breasts examined and it was determine that they were real. Let’s hope and pray that Dr. Phil doesn’t get the same idea.
Huh?
The National Enquirer reports that, after 19 years of sobriety, President Bush is drinking again. And you thought Bush talked funny before?
That bad
Did you see the dramatic Jet Blue plane landing at LAX with the twisted nose wheel? It was so scary it nearly sobered the pilot right up.
Did you see the dramatic Jet Blue plane landing at LAX with the twisted nose wheel? The pilot was amazing. He was as precise and accurate as a flight attendant hitting a knee cap with a beverage cart.
And Dongs Dongs and Fritos and Cheetos and things of that nature
Arnold Schwarzenegger signed a bill banning junk food in schools. It’s part of Arnold’s long term plan to get rid of all Twinkies that started back with dumping Gray Davis.
You just don’t fit
Martha Stewart’s “Apprentice” debuted last night. It was pretty wild especially that scene where Martha gave that jailhouse snitch a savage beat down.
Martha might be the only person in the world who can be described as ruthlessly polite. Who else gives handwritten “You’re fired” notes? What’s next? An origami pink slip?
I don’t want to say that Martha seems cold and distant but she gives Hillary Clinton the shivers.
Somehow I can’t imagine Martha Stewart trying to talk nasty during sex. “Oh, affirmative, affirmative. Oh my Deity, You guitar-and-drums-driven-music my world.”
Martha’s lingo is rife with politically correct expressions like “you didn’t fail, you just didn’t fully succeed.” That’s like telling someone that they aren’t getting strangled, they’re just breathing impaired.
Eww
VP Dick Cheney is scheduled to undergo arterial knee surgery. Cheney’s not a young guy, they discovered the problem with Cheney’s knee when they were down there checking his scrotum.
Eww, 2
A Chinese rubber company is making condoms called Clinton and Lewinski. Is it really a good idea to name a condom after a guy who once ruined an entire blue dress?
Eww, 3
A Chinese rubber company is making condoms called Clinton and Lewinski. The Clinton condom has an additional feature, because of Hillary: it prevents freezer burn.
Numbers don’t lie
According to a U.S. study, 10% of women do not wash their hands after going to the bathroom but 25% of men who don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom. In a related story, I will now stop shaking hands with 100% of people.
We kid the Howard
On her talk show, Tyra Banks had her breasts examined and it was determine that they were real. In addition, on his radio show, Howard Stern had his prostate checked and it was determined he really is an ass.
Or
On her talk show, Tyra Banks had her breasts examined and it was determine that they were real. Let’s hope and pray that Dr. Phil doesn’t get the same idea.
Huh?
The National Enquirer reports that, after 19 years of sobriety, President Bush is drinking again. And you thought Bush talked funny before?
That bad
Did you see the dramatic Jet Blue plane landing at LAX with the twisted nose wheel? It was so scary it nearly sobered the pilot right up.
Did you see the dramatic Jet Blue plane landing at LAX with the twisted nose wheel? The pilot was amazing. He was as precise and accurate as a flight attendant hitting a knee cap with a beverage cart.
And Dongs Dongs and Fritos and Cheetos and things of that nature
Arnold Schwarzenegger signed a bill banning junk food in schools. It’s part of Arnold’s long term plan to get rid of all Twinkies that started back with dumping Gray Davis.
You just don’t fit
Martha Stewart’s “Apprentice” debuted last night. It was pretty wild especially that scene where Martha gave that jailhouse snitch a savage beat down.
Martha might be the only person in the world who can be described as ruthlessly polite. Who else gives handwritten “You’re fired” notes? What’s next? An origami pink slip?
I don’t want to say that Martha seems cold and distant but she gives Hillary Clinton the shivers.
Somehow I can’t imagine Martha Stewart trying to talk nasty during sex. “Oh, affirmative, affirmative. Oh my Deity, You guitar-and-drums-driven-music my world.”
Martha’s lingo is rife with politically correct expressions like “you didn’t fail, you just didn’t fully succeed.” That’s like telling someone that they aren’t getting strangled, they’re just breathing impaired.
posted by Alex at
7:12 AM
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