Monday, May 16, 2005

Are we gonna do this? Are we gonna do this? Oh, it’s throw-down O’Clock up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Programming Geniuses
I don’t think it will work but CBS is going to try and fill the “Everybody Loves Raymond” void with the new show; “Nobody Can Stand Geraldo.”

What the hell is a Sith?
Are you excited about the new “Star Wars III”? In this one Jar Jar Binks marries Camilla Parker Bowles.

Are you excited about the new “Star Wars III”? I don’t want to give the ending away but suffice it to say that Darth Vadar and Empire are owned by George Stienbrenner.

Are you excited about the new “Star Wars III”? In this one Jar Jar Binks fiancé runs out on him and hops a bus to Albuquerque.

This movie is the sixth Star Wars saga but it is numbered three. Apparently creator George Lucas leaned math with President Bush.

The last of the Star Wars movies is "Return of the Sith." And let me tell you, I once had the Sith in college and without some penicillin, that Sith will return on you.

So sorry
Newsweek apologized and acknowledged errors in its report of interrogators desecrating the Koran that has caused riots in Middle East. They went on to add that it’s the last time they will use Dan Rather as a source.

Newsweek said it was sorry for the errors in its report of interrogators desecrating the Koran at Camp X-Ray that has caused riots in Middle East. And Newsweek really is sorry, not as sorry as the rioters who killed 17 people over the report should be, but they’re sorry all the same.

Don’t give it away
President Bush was spotted carrying a book around that he started reading in February. When asked to comment, Bush said; “I’m not finished, please don’t tell me what happens to Curious George and the red balloon at the zoo.”

The technical term
A psychiatrist said today that Star Wars mania could be a sign of underlying and potentially harmful psychiatric conditions. I think the medical term is: Virginal Nerdia Dorkosis.

Here’s an idea, Ozzie . . .
Ozzie Osbourne claims that living in England is too expensive and that it cost him over $100 to fill up his car with gas. Someone then explained to Ozzie it would cost less if he stopped sipping the gas straight from the nozzle.

Sixty Minutes to say goodbye
Newswoman Christine Amanpour has announced that she is leaving “60 minutes.” When asked to explain why, Amanpour said; “Three words: Old man smell.”

When asked why she is leaving Amanpour said; “Let’s just say that Andy Rooney is all hands.”

Or something like that
In Iraq, Secretary of State Condoleezza rice urged more participation by the Sunni Muslims in creating the Iraqi constitution. Of the Shiite and Sunni Muslims participating in the constitution, Rice feels they are just too full of Shiite.

How, uh, how shaky was he?
Tiger Woods missed his first cut in seven years. Tiger has made more cuts than an 80-year-old-Bris-Rabbi Mohel with a bad case of the shakes.

Yeah, like them
You have to admire those people who go out on top, “Seinfeld”, “Everybody Loves Raymond” and the one who really went out on top: Paris Hilton in her Sex Video.

Since you asked:

Nugs and T’s, if you have ever read this pathetic blog you know that if there is one thing that is true it is that I hate to brag about my vast and amazing grilling prowess.


Made a new dish last night that is, if I do say so myself, quite the keeper:

Soft flour tortilla tacos stuffed with Spanish rice, shredded Cheddar cheese and grilled Mahi Mahi and shrimp topped with shredded cabbage and milk-thinned Ranch dressing. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Served with a snappy Chardonnay on the beach in Del Mar with Virg and the Stinker as the Holy iPod portable speakers sweetly serenaded us with Frank’s “Lady is a Tramp” Bocelli’s “Time to Say Goodbye*” Winwood’s “Roll with it” and Issac’s “Wicked Game” Jack Johnson’s “Waiting” among many others.

As the sun set and the Stinker built sand castles and dolphins breeched in the distance, it created many of those mental snapshots you want to keep in your head forever.

It was so elegantly charming Martha Stewart would have slid off her beach chair. (Didn’t want you to think I had gone all soft on you, there)

Then we came home and watched a movie that couldn’t have sucked more if it had a Masters degree in suckage. “Finding Neverland.” Maybe it was the wine.

*Anyone that wants to make cracks about my liking an Eye-taliano Opera in Bocelli’s “Time to Say Goodbye” well, as Grandmother Rodgers used to say;

“Ya’ll don’t know what’s good, is all.”