Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Who’s feelin’ me, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

It needed one more thing
In Connecticut they have a naked Karaoke bar. Yeah, because a fat, drunk, sweaty insurance salesman singing “Feelings” out of key wasn’t quite unpleasant enough.

We kid the Royals
Microsoft chairman Bill Gates will receive an honorary Knighthood from Queen Elizabeth II in a ceremony at Buckingham Palace today. It’s basically a sort of a semi-Knighthood. The Royals got the idea of the semi-knighthood from Prince Charles’s semi-manhood.

Mad
Did you see Michael Jackson at the trial after the testimony of journalist Martin Bashir? Michael was mad, I haven’t seen Michael’s nose this out of joint since he actually had a nose.

Here are a few
Paris Hilton’s T-Mobile Sidekick was hacked and they put her messages on the Internet. Here are a few of the hacked Paris Hilton messages:

“Hey, Paris, had a good time on our date, but what’s with this burning urination thing?”

“Oh, great, you don’t answer your phone when I call, but when we made our sex video . . .”

“Paris, this is Nicole Richie, I’ve decided I should go it alone and skank solo.”

“Paris, you left a pair of panties at my house and I had to call in a damn HazMat team. Heh, heh, heh, just kidding. I know you’ve never owned a pair of panties in your life.”

Now that is just mean . . .
A 63-year-old Wisconsin man was charged with having sex with a cow. He got the idea from Prince Charles’s engagement to Camilla Parker Bowles.

Having sex with a cow is disgusting, to but the man’s credit, he did not ply the cow with alcohol or cow porn.

Is that really needed?
Millionaire adventurer Steve Fossett decided to go ahead with his attempt to fly around the world solo without refueling, despite a problem with the plane's fuel system. Here is my question: Do they really have to include the term millionaire adventurer? Who else could do this except bored rich guys? You never hear of Dwayne from shipping trying to fly solo around the world.

Do they really have to include the term millionaire adventurer? Who else could do this except bored rich guys? “Hmm, let’s see. Should I try and fly solo in a balloon or plane around the world, or should go to work at Radio Shack and pay the mortgage? Gosh. That’s a tough one.”

Awkward moment
A witness said that, during a video presentation at his trial, Michael Jackson wept and wiped his nose. Unfortunately, Michael’s assistant was holding his nose at the time and Michael had to ask for it back to wipe it.