Since you asked:
One of the big reasons people lose weight is for High School reunions, but that doesn’t really matter. I went to my 20th high school reunion, and this one guy looked different because he had put on weight. But after talking to him, because the person deep-down inside hadn’t changed, he was soon the exact same guy I knew in high school: a world class schmuck.


My wife thinks the refrigerator – instead of just being coolder, which is all it is - is some magic medical germ and disease eliminating miracle machine and anything left outside of it for any time at all is instantly ruined. I told her, oh, yeah, it is such a medical miracle machine that, when those kids used to get trapped playing in a refrigerator, when they found them a month later, you couldn’t believe how healthy they were.

Oh, now that's just sick.