Get your freakiest freaky freak on, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Umpteen Dean
Good news Howard Dean supporters. His meds have kicked in.
*All the democrats were calm during a New Hampshire debate, including Howard Dean. Of course that might have had something to do with the muzzle Dean was wearing.
Howard Dean’s wife, Judith Steinberg, made her first brief appearance in Iowa. She’s a doctor. She had to give Howard his rabies shot.
Now John Kerry is leading all the polls. You have to feel for Howard Dean, one red-faced rant and now even Dennis Kucinich is making fun of him.
Poor Howard Dean. My heart goes out to him. At lunch all the other candidates huddle together to giggle and point at Howard while he sits alone eating his Mad Cow burger.
You have to feel for Howard Dean. One minute Dean is the big man on campus, the next he is riding by himself in the back of the really short school bus.
*The Los Angeles Lakers have lost nine games in a row on the road. They are almost as bad on the road as Howard Dean.
For everyone who has ever said there is no such thing as bad publicity, I have four words: Howard Dean’s red-faced rant.
Have you heard the latest band? They’re called “Howard Dean’s Rant.” They’re loud and crazy.
The same game
The Ohio legislature approved a ban on same sex marriage. Asked to comment, one married Ohio man said, “I’m thrilled they banned same sex marriages, my wife and I have been having the same sex for years and I’m sick of it.”
Say it ain’t so, J.Lo
J.Lo and Ben have broken up. Oh, just a minute, I have an update. Check that, they are back together. Wait, no, now they’ve broken up again. What’s that? Oh, they got back together.
Right now J. Lo and Ben are broken up and fighting over who has custody of the blame for “Gigli.”
Just when I was starting to get used to the word Bennifer
Bad concept
Mitsubishi has a new slogan: “Wake up and drive.” That’s what we need, more groggy, sleepy, grumpy people driving because we don’t have nearly enough road rage as it is.
Wake me when it’s over
Environmental groups claim farmed salmon contain dangerous levels of cancer-causing chemicals. You can’t eat beef because of mad cow, you can’t eat carbohydrates because they make you fat, now farmed salmon causes cancer. This is my nightmare: all we can eat is tofu.
In poker they call these tells
A former "Playboy” Playmate, a Miss November admits to being a lesbian. We should have figured that. For her hobbies she listed softball, camping, motorcycling and making her own beef jerky.
Her turn on’s were Ellen DeGeneris, Melissa Ethridge and Janet Reno
Since you asked:
First thing, Slats and Nuggies, never listen to anything I tell you to do because, generally, I have no idea what I am talking about. Secondly, you have to get HBO and watch Larry David’s “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” It is so good it almost makes me forget how sick I am that “The Larry Sanders Show” and “Alf” aren’t around.
It doesn’t take you long to figure out that the guts of “Seinfeld” were thanks to Larry David. Obviously Jerry Seinfeld is a very funny guy – the cereal-type observations are him - but the whacky twists and turns and hilarious coincidences are Larry David.
Larry David reminds me of a funny, mellow, bald, wire-haired terrier. In the show, which is not just based on David’s real life, but practically is his life, David is a lot of what we all want to be: rich, talented, care-free, somewhat powerful, a little famous who runs with famous people. But, David is also enough of a fussy schmuck that we are also glad we aren’t him.
I read about David in “The New Yorker,” one of the first times I didn’t just read the cartoons. By the way, it had a hilarious cartoon with a freeway sign: “Welcome To California. You can now begin your Arnold Schwarzenegger imitation.” They should have that sign but include Jack Nicholson and a Pakistani grocer in front of every comedy club.
Anyway, in the New Yorker article it says that, before Seinfeld picked David to help with his show, David was a middle-aged comedian living in a subsidized artist apartment on the West Side of Manhattan and bouncing from the various clubs. Now the guy is worth a few hundred million. Hey, how about one more time, Big Guy? How ‘bout a little love here?
Umpteen Dean
Good news Howard Dean supporters. His meds have kicked in.
*All the democrats were calm during a New Hampshire debate, including Howard Dean. Of course that might have had something to do with the muzzle Dean was wearing.
Howard Dean’s wife, Judith Steinberg, made her first brief appearance in Iowa. She’s a doctor. She had to give Howard his rabies shot.
Now John Kerry is leading all the polls. You have to feel for Howard Dean, one red-faced rant and now even Dennis Kucinich is making fun of him.
Poor Howard Dean. My heart goes out to him. At lunch all the other candidates huddle together to giggle and point at Howard while he sits alone eating his Mad Cow burger.
You have to feel for Howard Dean. One minute Dean is the big man on campus, the next he is riding by himself in the back of the really short school bus.
*The Los Angeles Lakers have lost nine games in a row on the road. They are almost as bad on the road as Howard Dean.
For everyone who has ever said there is no such thing as bad publicity, I have four words: Howard Dean’s red-faced rant.
Have you heard the latest band? They’re called “Howard Dean’s Rant.” They’re loud and crazy.
The same game
The Ohio legislature approved a ban on same sex marriage. Asked to comment, one married Ohio man said, “I’m thrilled they banned same sex marriages, my wife and I have been having the same sex for years and I’m sick of it.”
Say it ain’t so, J.Lo
J.Lo and Ben have broken up. Oh, just a minute, I have an update. Check that, they are back together. Wait, no, now they’ve broken up again. What’s that? Oh, they got back together.
Right now J. Lo and Ben are broken up and fighting over who has custody of the blame for “Gigli.”
Just when I was starting to get used to the word Bennifer
Bad concept
Mitsubishi has a new slogan: “Wake up and drive.” That’s what we need, more groggy, sleepy, grumpy people driving because we don’t have nearly enough road rage as it is.
Wake me when it’s over
Environmental groups claim farmed salmon contain dangerous levels of cancer-causing chemicals. You can’t eat beef because of mad cow, you can’t eat carbohydrates because they make you fat, now farmed salmon causes cancer. This is my nightmare: all we can eat is tofu.
In poker they call these tells
A former "Playboy” Playmate, a Miss November admits to being a lesbian. We should have figured that. For her hobbies she listed softball, camping, motorcycling and making her own beef jerky.
Her turn on’s were Ellen DeGeneris, Melissa Ethridge and Janet Reno
Since you asked:
First thing, Slats and Nuggies, never listen to anything I tell you to do because, generally, I have no idea what I am talking about. Secondly, you have to get HBO and watch Larry David’s “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” It is so good it almost makes me forget how sick I am that “The Larry Sanders Show” and “Alf” aren’t around.
It doesn’t take you long to figure out that the guts of “Seinfeld” were thanks to Larry David. Obviously Jerry Seinfeld is a very funny guy – the cereal-type observations are him - but the whacky twists and turns and hilarious coincidences are Larry David.
Larry David reminds me of a funny, mellow, bald, wire-haired terrier. In the show, which is not just based on David’s real life, but practically is his life, David is a lot of what we all want to be: rich, talented, care-free, somewhat powerful, a little famous who runs with famous people. But, David is also enough of a fussy schmuck that we are also glad we aren’t him.
I read about David in “The New Yorker,” one of the first times I didn’t just read the cartoons. By the way, it had a hilarious cartoon with a freeway sign: “Welcome To California. You can now begin your Arnold Schwarzenegger imitation.” They should have that sign but include Jack Nicholson and a Pakistani grocer in front of every comedy club.
Anyway, in the New Yorker article it says that, before Seinfeld picked David to help with his show, David was a middle-aged comedian living in a subsidized artist apartment on the West Side of Manhattan and bouncing from the various clubs. Now the guy is worth a few hundred million. Hey, how about one more time, Big Guy? How ‘bout a little love here?
posted by Alex at
12:05 PM
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