We got the Prez all up in our extra-crispy style hizzy, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Lock him up
At the Laci Peterson murder trial, a police officer testified he saw a mop and bucket in front of Scott Peterson’s home. That’s it. The mop is the smoking gun. He killed her. A guy has to be facing the chair before he will resort to using a mop and bucket.


Sensitive seniors
CBS decided to formerly pull the plug on “The Reagans” mini series. It wasn’t an easy decision. What with their advanced age, CBS viewers are very touchy about the phrase; “pull the plug.”

Neee hawww
Howard Dean, under fire from his Democratic rivals, refused to apologize for saying the party must court Southerners with Confederate flags in their pickup trucks. He did, however, add that they are also courting Southerners with those cool naked-lady-silhouette mud flaps.

Dean did, however, say he draws the line at the "I break for burning crosses" bumper stickers

Poor person
David Gest is having a rough time. Not only is he suing Liza Minelli over her alleged spouse abuse, but today he was ambushed and given a straight make-over. It was awful, they put him in gym shoes, jeans and a Hooters t-shirt and everything.


You’re out
New York Yankees Derek Jeter revealed he played the entire post season with a torn tendon in his thumb. And today, after a meeting with a mysterious Chicago gambling figure, Cubs foul-ball-flubber Steve Bartman no longer has thumbs at all.

Makes sense
New show premiered on NBC Monday night called "Average Joe”. A group of frail, dorky, geeky guys try to win the heart of a former NFL cheerleader. They got the idea from watching the San Diego Chargers.

I am also not easily distracted . . . oh lookie, there’s a birdy
Kobe Bryant scored 31 and now, despite all of his distractions, his L.A. Lakers are 4-0. I am impressed, and I am not a guy who is easily impressed . . . oh my god, look, it’s something shiny!