Thursday, November 06, 2003

Oh it’s so on now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

I’d have to check
A frightened CBS has decided to drop their Ronald Reagan miniseries after claims by Republicans it has historical inaccuracies. Like the scene where the Queer Eye guys made Reagan over. I’m not sure that happened.

And those naked babe mud flaps
Howard Dean has now apologized for his statement that Republicans need to court the Southerner voters who have confederate flags on their pickups. But he does want to go after those cool guy’s with the “Honk if you’re horny” bumper stickers.

All warm and fuzzy
And here is today’s feel good story: Two Al Qaeda terrorists blew themselves up in Mecca when confronted by authorities. Nobody else was hurt but the terrorists. And they say all the news from the Middle East is bad.

Next on CBS: Nerd Bounty Hunter. “He doesn’t take negative for an answer”
Microsoft has offered a bounty for computer virus writers. This could launch a new career: Nerd Bounty Hunters. Twinkies slung on the belt to lure the Nerd out of his bedroom; hypoallergenic paint to spray their glasses to blind them; and a thin rubber band to handcuff them.

Anything else we can do, Vicente, Cha cha?
Mexico President Vicente Fox told Americans it’s time to reform immigration laws and make it easier for his people to legally cross the border. What does this guy want? Car pool volunteers to drive illegal aliens to the DMV to get their California driver’s licenses?

Good eatin’
A dairy farm in Minnesota has cows that are producing milk with caffeine in it. And if you pour the caffeine milk over Cocoa Puffs? Well, you, my friend, have just made yourself a heaping bowl of cereal crack.

As if Track didn’t have enough problems
Six prominent American track athletes have tested positive for a narcolepsy drug. Is that a problem? “Gentleman, take your mark. Get set. Wake up.”

Why would track athletes have narcolepsy? Now golfers, I could see why that would be a problem.

Snooze alarm
Six prominent American track athletes have tested positive for a narcolepsy drug. The only previously reported case of sports-related narcolepsy was cited by writers during Tiger Woods interviews.

Jinx this
There is a storied history of Sports Illustrated jinx’s. In 1957, Oklahoma’s 47 game winning streak came to an end. In 1970 Texas ended their 30 game win streak. But of all of the S.I. Jinx’s I gotta go with the article on Uday Hussein. Afterwards, not only did he die, but then, as a final insult, they made up his corpse to look like David Gest.