We got us some sick mad skilz, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Shockey behavior
New York Giant tight end Jeremy Shockey has made many offensive moves and comments including throwing ice that injured a child, flipping-off the San Francisco crowd, and recently referring to Dallas Cowboy coach Bill Parcells as “a homo.” Even after his comments were aired on tape, Shockey claimed the press misquoted him. That’s beautiful. From now on, folks, I have never, ever, made a lame joke, the press simply misquoted me. Yeah, that’s it. That’s the ticket.

The press really can’t argue with Jeremy’s grasp of English. I mean who could possibly have a better command of the language than Jeremy Shockey, a man who thinks a gerund is a rodent or possibly a car formerly made by American motors?

In support of Shockey, the Giants spin-doctors have excused the native Oklahoman’s outlandish behavior as Shockey simply being naïve, impetuous, emotional and unpolished. Or, in other less politically correct words: he's a foul-mouthed hick.

Shockey has said a lot of stupid things, but the dumbest may have been uttered by his publicist who said he wanted to market Shockey as the NFL’s Anna Kournakova. (I suppose that means as another blonde loser) In terms of a physical resemblance, Shockey is to Anna what Trenton New Jersey is to Cannes, France.

We cannot place all of the blame for Shockey's asinine public statements on Jeremy. After all, we are now living in a celebrity-crazed country that honestly believes that if the press reports what some self-absorbed celebrity says, then that celebrity must be brilliant. How else can you explain Arnold running for Governor of California?

By the way, did you catch that embarrassing moment when Arnold went to sign up to run for Governor? He had to ask his wife, Maria, how to spell Schwarzenegger.