Willy pulls a tune out and he blows it on the harp, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Rachers


Ching ching, bling bling
Prosecutors handling Kobe Bryant's sexual assault case won a request for additional money securing $105,000 from county commissioners. Or as Kobe calls $105,000, 2.5% of his wife’s new ring.

Hello?
In Montana a glacier fire destroyed 50,000 acres. Hey, you scientists who say we don’t have global warning: Our Glaciers are catching on fire.

Not again
The “New York Post” says Paula Jones is pregnant again. Paula has to learn how to control herself at those romantic family reunions.

Gray area
The California Assembly passed a budget deal. Now all that is left is to sit and wait for Governor Gray Davis to screw it up.

A familiar theme
Due to Lance Armstrong’s win and Germany’s Jan Ulrich’s second place, this was a very touching Tour De France for the French. You could see the Parisians wiping sentimental tears away as, once again, a German and an American rode triumphantly into their city.

Wrong on so many levels
In Tennessee, the North American Nude Bikers club held it’s first rally this weekend. I think it’s called the Tour De Chafe.

You know who I feel sorry for? That poor slob who unknowingly buys a used bike from a member of the Nude Bikers club.

Anna, we hardly knew ye
*Anna Kournikova's tennis career may be in jeopardy due to a back injury. The good news for Anna is that if she retires, her player ranking could actually go up.

Purely as a sports fan, this news troubles me, so I therefore selflessly volunteer to rub poor Anna’s little back.

It wasn’t a total waste
The B.B.C reports that using the latest high tech equipment, they have determined that there is no Loch Ness monster. The good news? They did find some of Saddam’s weapons of mass destruction.

What are the odds?
In shocking news, Mike Tyson is back in court. This guy spends more time in court than Judge Judy.