Player, those players got played like a played player, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Take me out to the dirtbags
There were reportedly a huge amount of fights between White Sox and Cubs fans in the stands at U.S. Cellular field last week when the Chicago Cubs came to play the White Sox. It was nice in one way, the drunk White Sox fans didn’t need to go to the trouble to run on the field in order to find somebody to punch.

That settles it, the White Sox promotion department simply has to cut out Missing teeth and Neck Tattoo night.

Now, I don’t want to imply that a lot of White Sox fans are drunk knuckleheads; I don’t want to imply it, because I want to say it straight out: a lot of White Sox fans are drunk knuckleheads. If you haven’t ever seen a White Sox fan? Picture an Oakland Raider fan without the fashion sense.


Shoot
Some disappointing news. The White House thought we had found weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Turns out they were just fireworks for the Fourth of July stashed by our own soldiers.

Doesn’t count
USA Today ranked Utah as the best managed state. Guess which state was the worst managed? You got it, California. Actually, technically, California didn’t qualify for the worst-managed state because it’s not really managed at all.

Dude, where is my research results?
*Smoking marijuana does not cause brain damage according to, researchers from the U.C. San Diego. The researchers went on to add that smoking marijuana does not cause brain damage. The researches also discovered that Cheetos go really well with Yaa Hoo chocolate soda

So when can we Gomorrah?
*People pestered by telemarketers can start signing up today for a national do-not-call list intended to block most phone sales pitches and the Supreme Court has legalized sodomy. This is good news for people who kept getting their sodomy interrupted by the police or marketing calls.

Pick and choose
*The two biggest selling books right now are the new "Harry Potter” book and Hillary Clinton’s memoirs of her time in the White House. Apparently people can’t get enough of fictional fantasy.

What’s the going rate?
*It’s been hot in New York. In Times Square, Hookers are actually getting paid to literally blow ON their clients.

Baghdad Bob
*Remember the Iraqi information minister? Our military arrested him. Of course, he told them he was arresting them.