Let's get on up out dis here beeatch, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
How windy was it?
It was windy today. It was so windy it blew Diana Ross straight across a sobriety line.
Supremely Drunk
Diana Ross has received a temporary restraining order that prevents the Tucson Police Department from releasing to the public a videotape made during her DUI arrest. How drunk was she? The producers of “Cops” were too embarrassed to show it. Supposedly Ross is fall-down drunk in the video. She was so messed-up Nick Nolte is making jokes about her. They were going to air the Ross video on “Cops” but Ross was wearing a top, so, legally, they couldn’t. How do people get so drunk they can’t stand up? Don’t they have to stand up to go make a drink? It’s like those guys who are so fat they have to tear the bedroom wall down to get them out of their house. How do they get that fat if they can’t get into the kitchen?
More Snore than Gore
Senate Democratic Leader Tom Daschle said he's strongly considering a run for president in 2004. Oh great. This guy is so boring he makes Al Gore look like Ozzie Osbourne. Tom Daschle is so boring his secret service nickname is Tom Daschle.
But was it a tight end?
The San Francisco Forty Niners came from 24 points behind to beat the New York Giants 39-38. And if there is one city that knows about coming from behind, it’s San Francisco. The Niners are really generating popularity in San Francisco. Now even guys go to the game who aren't just interested in that tight end person. (Man, it's hard to write with a lisp)
I hate all those fans. Oh, hi there.
Shania Twain is on the cover of “People” magazine where she says she doesn’t like the limelight. And what better place to say you don’t like the limelight than the cover of “People”? That’s like announcing you have an eating disorder in “Gourmet Magazine.”
Look for the sequel, "Joe Beat-Up-By-Twenty-Chicks"
“Joe Millionaire” airs on Fox tonight. Twenty hot-babe try to get a handsome millionaire to marry them. The problem? The guy is really broke. Tune in and watch a guy go from a ten to a five in world record time. I sure hope they have a copy of this Joe Millionaire guy’s dental records, because that’s what they will need to identify him once these gold diggers find out he’s broke. Didn’t we learn anything from “Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?” The millionaire, Rick Rockwell, also turned out to be broke, and we couldn’t get rid of that annoying bimbo Darva Conger for over a year.
Walk it off, ya whimp
The Pittsburgh Steelers were led by quarterback Tommy Maddox in a 17 point comeback to beat the Cleveland Browns 36-33. Maddox is the guy who, earlier this year, was temporarily paralyzed by a spinal cord bruise. The guy’s legs wouldn’t move. Just like the everyone on the Cincinnati Bengals. Can you imagine? The guy was paralyzed and now he is playing. I once stayed home from work because of a bad case of the hiccups. In high school, I tried to get out of gym because my foot fell asleep.
Don King Dead End
A plan to name a street in Atlantic City, N.J., after boxing promoter Don King is in for a fight; critics say there are more deserving people. Who is more deserving than Don King? How about everybody on the planet except O.J. Simpson, Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein. Maybe it is appropriate to name a street after Don King. Nobody has driven over more people to get to where he is going than that guy.
How windy was it?
It was windy today. It was so windy it blew Diana Ross straight across a sobriety line.
Supremely Drunk
Diana Ross has received a temporary restraining order that prevents the Tucson Police Department from releasing to the public a videotape made during her DUI arrest. How drunk was she? The producers of “Cops” were too embarrassed to show it. Supposedly Ross is fall-down drunk in the video. She was so messed-up Nick Nolte is making jokes about her. They were going to air the Ross video on “Cops” but Ross was wearing a top, so, legally, they couldn’t. How do people get so drunk they can’t stand up? Don’t they have to stand up to go make a drink? It’s like those guys who are so fat they have to tear the bedroom wall down to get them out of their house. How do they get that fat if they can’t get into the kitchen?
More Snore than Gore
Senate Democratic Leader Tom Daschle said he's strongly considering a run for president in 2004. Oh great. This guy is so boring he makes Al Gore look like Ozzie Osbourne. Tom Daschle is so boring his secret service nickname is Tom Daschle.
But was it a tight end?
The San Francisco Forty Niners came from 24 points behind to beat the New York Giants 39-38. And if there is one city that knows about coming from behind, it’s San Francisco. The Niners are really generating popularity in San Francisco. Now even guys go to the game who aren't just interested in that tight end person. (Man, it's hard to write with a lisp)
I hate all those fans. Oh, hi there.
Shania Twain is on the cover of “People” magazine where she says she doesn’t like the limelight. And what better place to say you don’t like the limelight than the cover of “People”? That’s like announcing you have an eating disorder in “Gourmet Magazine.”
Look for the sequel, "Joe Beat-Up-By-Twenty-Chicks"
“Joe Millionaire” airs on Fox tonight. Twenty hot-babe try to get a handsome millionaire to marry them. The problem? The guy is really broke. Tune in and watch a guy go from a ten to a five in world record time. I sure hope they have a copy of this Joe Millionaire guy’s dental records, because that’s what they will need to identify him once these gold diggers find out he’s broke. Didn’t we learn anything from “Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?” The millionaire, Rick Rockwell, also turned out to be broke, and we couldn’t get rid of that annoying bimbo Darva Conger for over a year.
Walk it off, ya whimp
The Pittsburgh Steelers were led by quarterback Tommy Maddox in a 17 point comeback to beat the Cleveland Browns 36-33. Maddox is the guy who, earlier this year, was temporarily paralyzed by a spinal cord bruise. The guy’s legs wouldn’t move. Just like the everyone on the Cincinnati Bengals. Can you imagine? The guy was paralyzed and now he is playing. I once stayed home from work because of a bad case of the hiccups. In high school, I tried to get out of gym because my foot fell asleep.
Don King Dead End
A plan to name a street in Atlantic City, N.J., after boxing promoter Don King is in for a fight; critics say there are more deserving people. Who is more deserving than Don King? How about everybody on the planet except O.J. Simpson, Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein. Maybe it is appropriate to name a street after Don King. Nobody has driven over more people to get to where he is going than that guy.
posted by Alex at
11:27 AM
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