Thursday, October 17, 2002

Rock steady, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers.

Have you heard the latest and lamest pick-up line in the singles bars in Anaheim?

No, that isn’t a rally monkey in my pants, I’m just glad to see you.”

In the All-California Anaheim Angels vs. the San Francisco Giants World Series, Anahiem is being criticized as a non-descript suburban cluster that happens to have Disney Land. That is not true. Why, for example Anaheim has, um, well there is, and how about . . . well, go Angels. Anaheim may be suffering from an identity crisis. Their city motto is; “At least we’re not Orlando.”

In the All-California Anaheim Angels vs. the San Francisco Giants World Series, out-of-state’rs may need a refresher course in California lingo:

In the rest of the U.S., gnarly means knotty. In California, Gnarly means too intense.

In the rest of the U.S. a dude is a fancy dresser. In California, a dude is everybody else.

In the rest of the U.S. whatever means anything and everything. In California, whatever means yeah right, you idiot.

In the rest of the U.S. stoked means a well-fueled fire. In California, stoked means excited.

In the rest of the U.S. bitchin’ is complaining. In California, bitchin’ is wonderful. And awesome means really bitchin’.

In the rest of the U.S. killer is real bad, in California, killer is real good.

In the rest of the US whoa means stop. In California, whoa means wow.

Remember how Saddam Hussein wrote a play? Now he wrote a sitcom: “Eight Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Camel.”

The Green Bay Packers' running back Najeh Davenport was sentenced to community service. In July, he broke into an ex-girlfriend's dorm room, and defecated in her closet. Ironically, his community service is to work for the park department spreading fertilizer. In addition, this brought new meaning to the expression; “Dumping a girlfriend.”

A pilot was removed from Continental Airlines jet in Houston right before it took off because he was drunk. There is no justification for a pilot flying drunk. Well, other than, when they land, they get a choice of twice as many runways.

Rapper Sean "P. Diddy" Combs, will perform on the soundtrack for an upcoming animated kid flick. I think his character’a name Cappy Bust-a-Cap.

Researchers in Japan say they are close to developing an onion that doesn’t make people cry. Great, now if Madonna could learn how to make a movie that isn’t so bad it makes us cry.

The movie "Swept Away"" starring Madonna had the worst opening week of any major movie in the last eight years last week. How bad is it? The producers of; “The Anna Nicole Show” walked out.

This is how spoiled we are in Southern California. It sprinkled a little yesterday and people were so desperate to escape the rain some people actually ran into a movie theater that was featuring Madonna’s “Swept Away.”

Scientists said they have discovered a huge black hole in the Milky Way. There is only one thing that could chew a big hole in a Milky Way that big: Anna Nicole Smith.

Have you seen the Christine Aguilera’s video “Dirrty”? Not to imply it was too skanky, but it is the only music video ever made that they recommend you wear a Hazmat suit while watching it.