Tuesday, October 08, 2002

Word up, you know how we do, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

It was hot again today. I was sweating like an Enron executive who dropped the soap in the prison shower.

Finally some good news for Nick Nolte after his drunk driving arrest and that scary mug shot. Today Nolte got a lead film role. The bad news? It’s for “Bum Fights.”

My beloved Chicago Bears lost to the Green Bay Packers 34-21. This year Chicago’s home field is being renovated, so the Bears have to play their home games a two-and-a-half-hour drive to the South away. How far is that? This year they are actually called the Carolina Bears.

Barry Bonds finally came through in a playoff game as the San Francisco Giants eliminated the Atlanta Braves to advance to the NLCS. The normally aloof Bonds was elated. The after- game steroids were on him.

New York's Museum of Sex, an adults-only institution that takes a journey through the city's sexual landscape over the centuries, opened to the public on Saturday. Bill Clinton took his Harlem office staff there for a field trip.

Winona Ryder’s trial has been pushed back to October 15th. The prosecutor was set to go, but he had to ask for a continuance, because once he got in court with Winona, for some reason he couldn’t find his briefcase. It just disappeared. It was weird. Anyway, Ryder wanted time to take advantage of the pre-Halloween sales.

The General Accounting Office reports that Navy personnel used government credit cards to hire prostitutes at brothels. Apparently some Navy staff officers misunderstood when they were told to show their seaman a good time. This explains the Navy's new ad: Why settle for videos when you can have the real thing? How dumb do you have to be to use a military credit card at a brothel?

“Petty Officer Smith, could you explain this charge at Madam Pussycat’s? And what’s this extra one hundred buck “Happy Ending” fee?

In his address to the nation, President Bush called Saddam Hussein a “Homicidal Dictator” You have to give Bush credit, he is learning on the job. Five years ago, he would have thought Homicidal Dictator was the name of a San Francisco gay leather bar.