Wednesday, October 02, 2002

Are you ready for this, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

The last place New York Mets fired the manager, Bobby Valentine. It wasn't all Valentine's fault. It's tough to win when you team gets more hits off a bong than opposing pitchers.

Could you believe that wild scene in the New York Yankees Anaheim Angels game? Tawny Kitaen ripped off her shirt, tore out on the field, and beat the living snot out of her ex-husband, Angel pitcher Chuck Finley.

Over a year ago, I got tired of being the only struggling comedy writer without a script, so I wrote one. And get this: I just finished it. "Room to Move." The log line is this: A heroically underachieving Santa Barbara stock broker convinces his windsurfing buddies to invest in a get-rich-quick stock scheme. The goal is to make so much money that they can quit their dead-end jobs and pursue their dreams as artists.

To be candid, with all due modesty, it ain't bad. They have definitely filmed worse. (See "Glitter") The story is good and moves along well; the characters are interesting, likeable and funny; the action shots are rousing, and it has a suspenseful twist at the end. It ain't going to make anyone forget about "Ben Hur", but then "Ben Hur" didn't have Rolling Stones songs and shots of windsurfing, now did it? And I don't want to hear that "If they say the music is good, the movie stinks" stuff, (this means you, Ray) the music is also good.

(By the way, any real life producers out there who want to look at it, feel free to email me.)

For kicks and giggles I submitted it to HBO's "Project Greenlight" Since it would be cheap to make - it is in present time, there are no explosions, and nobody dies. But I might as well expect to buy a winning lottery ticket and then have an airplane part land on my head. There are over 10,000 contestants.

Oh well, I just submitted it to "Project Greenlight" ( 12 hours before the deadline) and now I am too tired to write any jokes. So, in case you didn't know, Anna Nicole Smith is a national embarrassment and I hope Martha Stewart fries. Or at least sauté’s.