Wednesday, October 09, 2002

Gay* Characters in cartoon and children shows observation, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers.

*Not that there is a thing wrong with it . . .

Have you seen the hot new kid’s cartoon “Sponge Bob Square Pants”? It is big in the gay community because they claim one of the characters, Squidward, is gay. It might be true. Squidward was seen leaving a trendy San Francisco restaurant holding hands with the purple Teletubby Tinky Winky.

Remember when Reverand Falwell accused the Teletubby character Tinky Winky of being gay? When they asked Falwell whey he thought Tinky Winky was gay Falwell said;

“Why just look at the provocative way he walks, those pretty little eyes and that sexy little butt of his . . . I’m sorry, what were we talking about?”

And why was Wiley Coyote after the roadrunner so desperately? Gay.

Gay cartoon characters are nothing new and there isn’t anything wrong with it. Remember Popeye? Come on, the guy was a vegetarian sailor whose motto was “I am what I am”; he had an S&M thing with Brutus; Popeye talked all-butch when people were around, but in private he had that Richard Simmons-like “eak eak eak eak eak” laugh.

I mean, seriously, did anyone really believe Popeye was attracted to Olive Oil? The woman had zero breasts. And his kid Swee Pea? Adopted.

There are a ton of children show gay characters. Mr. Rodgers? Please. He wasn’t married, he wore cardigan sweaters and was the neatest human on the planet. Can you say;
“He likes show tunes”? Sure you can.

Don’t even get me started on Rocky and Bullwinkle. Boris Badinoff wasn’t a spy, he was homophobic.

Remember Sherman and Mr. Peabody? Weird Priest-like and alter boy dynamic there. Let’s just say the machine wasn’t the only thing that went way back, if you know what I mean . . .

Batman started out as a children’s comic book. Now I liked Batman, but who are we kidding? They just don’t come any gayer than Batman and Robin. (Robin, for crying-out-loud.) A single millionaire who wears a cape and tights who hangs out with his “young ward” named Dick? “Young ward” has to be a euphemism for bitch.

No folks, a gay character on “Square Bob Sponge Pants” is nothing new. It is simply carrying out a long and storied and probably harmless tradition of putting gay male characters into children stories and shows.

Next week? Why Christopher Robin really named his little bear friend Pooh.