Once again, rub some funk on it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The Anaheim Angels have the wildly popular Katie, the rally monkey. The San Francisco Giants haven’t had much luck coming up with a mascot. So far all they have is Andre, the flamboyant choreographer; Raul, the catty hairdresser and Stephaan, the sensitive interior decorator.

Kirk Gibson has been given a job as new Detroit Tiger manager Allen Tramwell’s bench coach. Gibson was so excited when he got the news, he limped around his house and pumped his fist.

A Miami man filed a lawsuit against Vikings holdout Bryant McKinnie, alleging McKinnie severely beat him last summer. The team’s only comment was that it was a nice that a Viking other than Randy Moss stands accused of doing something stupid for a change.

Remember how Saddam Hussein wrote a play? Now he wrote his very own sitcom, and it aired today: “Eight Simple Rules For Dating my Camel.”

This time the “Fly the friendly skies” airline United announced they relieved a pilot of his duty because he appeared drunk. Now we know why the skies are so friendly; the pilots are wearing beer goggles.

The playoffs ended last week, but the World Series doesn’t begin until Saturday. The networks are really dragging this out. Game seven of the World Series is scheduled for New Year’s Eve.

Saddam Hussein won another seven-year term as Iraq's president in a referendum in which he was the sole candidate, taking 100% of the vote. Oddly enough, Florida had him losing to an un-named Republican.

After a touchdown in their 28-21 win over the Seattle Seahawks, San Francisco Forty Niner Terrell Owens pulled a Sharpee pen out of his socks and signed the football and gave it to a friend in the stands. Then Owens pulled his agent out of his pants and together they charged the guy $500 for the autographed ball.

After a huge promotional campaign, Madonna’s movie “Swept Away” is a bust at the box office. It is such a huge bomb, Madonna is now an official al Quida suspect.

Actress Rebecca Romjin-Stamos says she and her husband, John, first had sex at Disneyland and that they visit the park on their wedding anniversaries. “

Hey, Rebecca and John, you just had sex, where are you going now?”

“We’re going to leave Disneyland.”

Dell is dumping that annoying blonde kid as their spokesman:

“Dude, you’re getting a pink slip.”