There is drunk and then there is "Barbra Streisand's publicist" drunk.






Barbra Streisand says Michael Jackson’s accusers were ‘thrilled to be there’ and his ‘sexual needs were his sexual needs.’


Apparently, you can be an idiot and still be a singer. "Well duh," said Ariana Grande and Justin Bieber.

R. Kelly just announced he is doing an entire album of Barbra Streisand cover songs.

Barbra Streisand said the sexual molesting of Michael Jackson's accusers did not kill them.

"Wow, what an incredibly insensitive thing to say," said Bill Cosby.

Robert Kraft just took the lead over Barbra Streisand, Lori Loughlin and Jussie Smollett in the "Biggest Celebrity Moron" contest.

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thaaaaaaaaank youuuuu."

- Jussie Smollett to Barbra Streisand.

"Are we certain the victims did not want to be eaten?"

- Barbra Streisand on Hannibal Lechter.

Just because a team made it to the Sweet Sixteen does not mean you can nickname them R. Kelly.

Pay It Forward

About a week before I was due to move to New York from Santa Barbara to work on Wall Street, circa 1983,  I pulled into a gas station in Ventura on empty. Time was short because I had to get home to my tiny rental house in Santa Barbara and call my future boss in New York, Hilliard Farber, rest in peace, to confirm the job and the move to New York.

When I went to pull out my wallet, it was gone. And I had no idea where it was. The panic that ensued was like nothing I had ever experienced. In fact, I cried in an insane combination of sadness, fatigue, rage, and frustration. (Maybe the same panic I had in fourth grade when, walking home, I had to pee and waited until I got home but only made to the Owen's house)

During my meltdown, a nice 40-something guy, who I remember thinking looked like a teacher, at the pump next to me saw this, walked over and handed me a $20 bill. When I asked for his address, he said not to worry about it, just do it for someone else. 

Or as we now call it, pay it forward.

If I had not made it back in time to make the scheduled phone call, the whole move to New York and Wall Street could have been botched. 

20 years later, I was back in California in San Diego with my beloved yellow lab, Kasey, eating a bagel at the local bagel shop. 

A woman who found a $20 asked everyone eating at the tables outside if anyone had lost a $20 bill. We all said no. She asked the clerk in the bagel shop if anyone had said they were missing a $20 bill. They said no. So she left. With the $20 bill.

About two minutes later, a young guy, about 18, with the same panicked look on his face I had in Ventura 20 years ago, was frantically looking all over the sidewalk and by the chairs and tables. When I asked him if he was looking for something he said mournfully,

“I dropped a twenty dollar bill.” 

“Can you describe what the twenty dollar bill looked like?” 

He looked confused, but when I said I was kidding and gave him a twenty from my wallet, he thanked me earnestly.

So we are even, God. Got that? 


When I was a stockbroker for Prudential in San Diego, I had a manager named Bob Fedderman (close, but not his real name) who was eerily similar to Donald Trump: He was a dimwitted egomaniac who wore expensive but hilariously tacky two-tone shirts (collar and striped-shirt colors) and shiny suits, he was fat and had a combover that was downright comedic.

Bob too, like Trump, was a big feet-on-the-desk type of guy. 

Bob was able to get away with the most blatant lying, cheating and stealing from clients - whom he actually ordered us to refer to as buying-units so we would not see them as humans - by ordering underlings to actually perform the criminal acts Bob demanded. That way, come an audit or an investigation or a lawsuit, they would take the fall and not fat, ugly and stupid Bob. 

For example, Bob would examine the accounts of clients with a large amount of cash and order the broker to put the entire amount into a high-commission charging 8% Prudential mutual fund. (8% was the commission charge, not the earnings) When, not if, the customer objected, Bob would instruct the broker to then charge another 8% commission to sell the mutual fund and return the funds to cash, now minus 16% in commissions.

It was blatant fraud and stealing. Bob should have gone to prison.

Bob lasted for several years before his incompetent and fraudulant business practices caught up to the bottom line and he was fired.  Because he, like Trump, initially took over during flush financial times.