Thursday, November 30, 2017

Tam, Tam, Tam, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Several buildings have had to lose their name Trump due to a severe drop in business. Especially the Trump Think Tank.

Donald Trump is going to fire Sec. of State, Rex Tillerson, who called Trump a moron. Reportedly, when Tillerson called Trump a moron, Trump was furious. After they explained to Trump what a moron was.

Researchers have found people who live near the Three Mile Island nuclear plant show no significant increase in cancer more than 38 years after the accident. The locals were so delighted by the news, they exchanged high sixes. 

A study claims men with big biceps live longer. As a result, I would like to extend my condolences on the inevitably soon passing of Eric Trump and Anderson Cooper. 

Researchers have found people who live near the Three Mile Island nuclear plant show no significant increase in cancer more than 38 years after the accident. The locals were so delighted by the good news, they cried their three eyes out.

Bette Midler tweeted that Geraldo Rivera sexually assaulted her in the early 70’s. Geraldo claims he was just trying to see what was in Bette’s vault.

This just in: The NBA has filed a class-action sexual harassment suit against Khloe Kardashian.

Dominoes now offers Carryout Insurance that will replace a pizza ruined on the trip home. Here’s some free advice: if you can’t get a pizza home without insurance? Maybe do not have any kids.  

Since you asked:

As an admitted non-genius in math and business, you don’t have to be a genius to understand TV economics. Basically, if I offer you two dollars if you give me one, that is a good deal, right? 

Essentially that is how TV shows work. They either get ratings or they don’t. If they don’t, they’re cancelled and the networks write-off the costs. If they do get ratings, the networks make two dollars in advertising for every one dollar they invest in the production of the show.

In some cases, more. NBC made over $300 million on “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” by giving them a budget of around $100 million. But in most cases, it is a two-for-one deal. 

So this applies to star’s salaries. The fact that NBC was paying Matt Lauer $25 million meant he was earning them $50 million. At least. Probably more. NBC canned a $50 mil. entity for a sexual harassment accusation.

In case you did not know how serious this sexual harassment epidemic is.

How would John F. Kennedy have used Twitter? 

There is absolutely no questioning the Kennedy family savvy when it came to understanding using the media for public persuasion and creating great images. Joe Kennedy, JFK’s father, was the first and arguably one of the greatest spin doctors. 

Joe took his son getting drunk and passed out in his PT boat and getting rammed by a Japanese freighter ship (Kennedy’s boat drifted into a known shipping lane) into a saga of being attacked by a Japanese destroyer and JFK’s acts of heroism. Which, after he got drunk, passed out and rammed, were true. JFK did save his surviving men. 

JFK would have recognized the importance of social media. But I doubt he would have written one word on it. Like Trump’s “The Art if the Deal” Kennedy did not write one word of his bestseller, “Profiles In Courage.” Kennedy’s speechwriter, Ted Sorenson, did. (Even “Trivial Pursuit” acknowledges this) 

But, unlike Trump, Kennedy could have written a book. And unlike Trump, Kennedy would not have insisted on airing every thought he had when he had it on Twitter. He would have asked Sorenson to employ his genius in small bite-sized amounts.

My feeling is Kennedy would not have liked Twitter. He would have thought it intrusive. His life was intruded upon by the public enough. But he would have used it carefully and sparingly. 

Kudos to “Modern Family”  on bringing it after mailing in a few episodes. Classic riff on the use of the word sanguine.

As a comedy writer, it is hard to be sanguine when you don’t know where your unhappiness ends and your depression begins. 

The epidemic of sexual harassment in politics and entertainment is easy to figure out. 

Both professions attract people who can’t get along with others. In the entertainment world, if you’re talented, it does not matter how difficult you are. In politics, if you’re unlikeable, it does not matter if you get enough votes. (See: Richard Nixon, Barbra Streisand) 

Most other professions teach people they not only have to get along with customers, they also have to get along with coworkers. But most of all, in most other professions, getting along with people goes hand-in-hand with making money. If you cannot make customers happy you cannot close a deal and you’re gone.

People in politics and entertainment - or in Al Franken’s case, both - do not learn that lesson. How many interviews of entertainers have you heard say they could not last a week at McDonalds? 

Lawyers who are so contrary they cannot get along with their fellow lawyers end up in politics. They find some elected official who is almost utterly inept, but keeps getting re-elected, and they run against them on a campaign of being a little less inept. 

Most people who are successful in the private sector have a rich balance of talents: Punctuality. Public speaking. Organization. Persuasion. Sense of humor. Management skills. Computer savvy. Budget keeping. 

Politicians and entertainers just have to have one talent each. Politicians have to get votes, and entertainers have to be entertaining. 

So when entertainers and politician’s lack of people skills in the office include offending women, nobody cared. 

Until now.

The pendulum of correcting injustice in this country swings late and it swings too far.