Monday, November 20, 2017

In football, USC beat UCLA 28-23. As you know, UCLA now stands for Unabashedly Confiscating Lenswear in Asia.

The father, LaVar, can’t go a day without an idiotic statement, LiAngelo  was caught stealing sunglasses in China and Lonzo is shooting below .300% for the Lakers. For a family named Ball, they sure are not on one.

Donald Trump tweeted for the suspension of Oakland Raider, Marshawn Lynch, for sitting during the National Anthem and standing during the Mexican anthem. Trump also wants to build a wall between Marshawn and his dred-locks. 

New York Giant, Jason Pierre-Paul got hurt, but rose to his feet and gave his teammates a high-three.

Police arrested a man attempting to jump the White House pedestrian barrier. Turns out it was Jared Kushner trying to get out.

USC hung on to beat UCLA, 28-23. This was shades of classic USC-UCLA games, and quite a spectacle, UCLA tried to steal the game, but got caught.

For college football, ESPN has an announcer named Booger McFarland. Booger’s new so he’s a little green, but he did not blow it. And he did pick a winner without being snotty about it.

Good news. The missing Argentinian submarine tried to contact satellites. Things were looking so bleak for a while, they almost changed the name of the sub from San Juan to the Cleveland Browns.

A Navy pilot has been grounded for sky-drawing a penis. The pilot swears he was just trying to draw a portrait of Bill Cosby.

After the UCLA basketball players sunglasses shoplifting fiasco in China, the UCLA-USC football game is the Ray-Ban Bowl. USC shades towards being the favorite, but UCLA will try and steal the game. Hopefully it won’t be a spectacle.  

The Atlanta Falcons are demolishing the Georgia Dome so there will be no trace of where they played. “Wait. You can do that?” Asked Cleveland Browns fans.