There appears to be a TMZ video of Poland’s first lady passing on Donald Trump’s handshake. Not true. This turned about to be shake news.

There was an awkward moment when Donald Trump asked the Polish president about their famous canal system. Trump said he has heard a lot about the Pole locks.

A study claims a woman retains the DNA of every man with whom she’s had sex. In a related story, Khloe Kardashian is now an incorporated city.

The Kardashian family is upset at Rob Kardashian for posting pictures of Blac Chyna’s vagina. This breaks their code: never publicize a vagina outside the family.

The Kardashian family is furious at Rob Kardashian for posting pictures of Blac Chyna’s vagina. Chris Christie is even angrier. He ordered Blac Chyna’s vagina closed. 

At the UN, the US condemned North Korea for their missile testing. And Chris Christie ordered their beaches closed.

On the 4th of July, Dallas Cowboy linebacker, Damien Wilson, was arrested with for assault with a deadly weapon with a rifle. Sometimes the hardest part of signing a player to the Cowboys is convincing them they’re not really Cowboys.

Rob Kardashian is trending on Twitter for posting naked pics of Blac Chyna. Finally our long, awful draught of Kardashian publicity absence is finally over.

Police raided a Vatican apartment and found drugs and evidence of orgy sex. When asked, Cardinal Bill Cosby had no comment.