Happy 4th of July boxing day, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

****

Lance Armstrong makes a cameo in an HBO movie, “Tour De Pharmacy,” mocking drug use in the Tour De France. That’s like Mike Tyson making a cameo in a movie about cannibalism. 

That’s like Bernie Madoff giving a seminar on money management.

****

There is new photographic evidence aviator, Amelia Earhart, survived her crash and was in the Marshall islands. The most convincing photo shows her on a beach enjoying tropical drinks with Larry King.

****

After accusing Blac Chyna of cheating on him, Rob Kardashian posted naked pics of her that could be revenge porn. If these two classy kids can’t make it, what chance does anyone have?

****

This morning Chris Christie feels like Joey Chestnut’s toilet.

****

Day after 4th of July and people are counting their blessings, some are counting their fingers and Chris Christie is counting his supporters.

****

Things are not good for Chris Christie. Here it is the day after the 4th of July and Chris Christie can count his supports on New York Giant, Jason Pierre-Paul’s fingers. 

****

The coverage of this year’s Tour De France begins at 4:30 AM on the West Coast. That is awful early for people to get up and not watch something. 

****

After his beach-closing fiasco, Chris Christie’s approval rating will dip below 10%. That means, in New Jersey, Christie is less popular than that schmuck who did that thing to that guy.

****

The day after eating over 15 pounds of hot dogs, Joey Chestnut does not want to hear the words hot dog. Nor does he want to hear the song, “Pop That Booty.” 

****

Right now, in New Jersey, Chris Christie’s popularity ranks somewhere between garbage raccoons and solar power marketers.

Since you asked:

The spelling feature on Apple’s Pages is so awful, it did not only not autocorrect cannibalism, with merely one N missing, it did not recognize it. 

Honestly, with Apple, you are better off just running all spelling questions through Google.


If Chris Christie does not want fat jokes, he should not do beached whale impressions at the taxpayer's expense and exclusion. 

Chris Christie will be remembered for closing a bridge and a beach, but not ever closing his mouth. 

Critics are calling Christie tone-deaf. Tone-deaf? There is tone-deaf and then there is Quasimodo enjoying the vibrations coming from the bells of Notre Dame.

Chris Christie's approval rating was last checked at 16%, the lowest of any governor. And Illinois has had four governors who went to prison.





Not going to lie to you as a man, a person or as a human being, at this point in time. Not sure what I ate, but whatever it was, it has given me more gas than a Mongolian goat. Man, I am lit-up like a Florida meth lab on the 4th of July. 


Little, Fuzzy 'Taint is my new band.